Quotes of: Comic-book Keyword

If a handicapped woman says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask her if that includes parking.

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The difference between you and everyone else, is everyone else. And that’s a lot, so you should feel special.

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Bosses are like assholes—everybody’s got one. Well, everyone except the unemployed. But still, bosses are like assholes, in that they are assholes. 

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I feel with a mullet and a mustache my job prospects would improve.

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I don’t kind of like to be kind and like you—I love to be kind and love you.

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If somebody’s a jerk and says something nasty, be a bigger jerk and say something kind and walk away.

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A smile is like a simile, if you have a mouth like a metaphor. That would make for like the best kiss ever.

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I don’t know what I’ll do until I know what you’ll do. I’m proactive with my preemptive reactive strategy. 

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I want to invent a Laughometer, a device to measure and gauge humor, which would be used for comedians. And politicians.

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LIberty is slavery. Or, well, you already know. P.S. Can you find my logo in the image?

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If I say “No decision has been made,” it’s a lie—because I have decided to remain undecided.

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I like the name Lola, because it has LOL in the beginning.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I’ve decided I like making love on rainy days. Ever since she asked me to wear a raincoat.

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I am a fisherman, a hunter, and a lover. A lover of men, not animals. And by men I mean women.

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The doors magically opened without the assistance of modern electronic devices. Instead, they cleverly employed doormen.

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If you forget your manners, you can always borrow mine. I won't be using them.

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My wife must be stupid. I mean, look, she married me, didn’t she?

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If somebody tells me and my wife to get a room, I always ask, How about the kitchen?

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I asked for her hand in marriage, but instead got the whole body. Love is full of surprises!

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I had an arranged marriage. If I didn’t, how would anybody know when and where to show up?

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It takes maturity and practice and patience to spread chunky peanut butter evenly on crumbly bread.

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