Alicia: [in bed, hung-over] I'm no stool-pigeon, Mr. Devlin. Devlin: My department authorized me to engage you to do some work for us. There's a job in Brazil... Alicia: Oh, go away. The whole thing bores me. Devlin: Some of the German gentry who are...
Nurse Esther: The doctor needs to see you. Allie: Me? Now? Nurse Esther: No, him. Allie: But he hasn't finished reading his story. Noah: I'll read some more when I'm through with the doctor. This shouldn't take too long. Allie: All right. Noah: Don't...
Aunt Edna: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark. You've been exeeding the speed limit for thousands of miles! Rusty Griswold: Dad wasn't speeding. The cop stopped us because Dad forgot to... Ellen Griswold: He was speeding, Rusty! Rusty Griswold...
[Shaking Billy Tim Denham's hand] Frank: You have lovely hands. Do you moisturize? Billy Tim Denham: I'm Sorry? Frank: [as he slowly crushes Denham's hand in his grip] You know, I've tried all sorts of moisturizers. I even went fragrance free for a w...
Nurse Ratched: Aren't you ashamed? Billy: No, I'm not. [Applause from friends] Nurse Ratched: You know Billy, what worries me is how your mother is going to take this. Billy: Um, um, well, y-y-y-you d-d-d-don't have to t-t-t-tell her, Miss Ratched. N...
Del: You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you...
Neal: What's the flight situation? Del: Simple. There's no way on earth we're going to get out of here tonight. We'd have more luck playing pickup sticks with our butt-cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before daybreak. Neal: I guess we...
Miracle Max: He probably owes you money huh? I'll ask him. Inigo Montoya: He's dead. He can't talk. Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between most...
General Broulard: It would be a pity to lose your promotion before you get it. A promotion you have so very carefully planned for. Colonel Dax: Sir, would you like me to suggest what you can do with that promotion? General Broulard: [angry] Colonel D...
Capitán Vidal: I'll make you a deal. If you can count to three without st-t-uttering you can go. Don't look at him look at me. Above me there is no one. Garces! Garcés: Yes Captain? Capitán Vidal: If I say this asshole can leave would anybody here...
Max Bialystock: Don't you see, darling Bloom, glorious Bloom? It's so simple. STEP ONE: We find the worst play ever written, a surefire flop. STEP TWO: I raise a million bucks. Lots of little old ladies out there. STEP THREE: You go back to work on t...
[on the phone] Charlie: Candice, I killed Aunt Helen, didn't I? She died getting my birthday present, so I guess I killed her, right? I tried to stop thinking that, but I can't. She keeps driving away and dying and I can't stop her. Am I crazy, Canda...
[Marion and Belloq are both very drunk] Marion: [laughs] What is this stuff, Rene? Belloq: [laughing as well] I grew up on this. It's my family label. [Marion falls to the ground laughing then calmly and quickly pulls out the knife she was concealing...
Mr. Pink: He seems okay now, but he was crazy in the store. Mr. White: This is what he was doing. [mimics randomly shooting innocent bystanders] Mr. White: Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Mr. Blonde: Yeah, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I told 'em not to touch the ala...
Irving Radovich: Hey, er, anybody ever tell you you're a dead ringer for... [Joe kicks him under the table] Irving Radovich: Ow! Well, I guess I'll be going! Joe Bradley: Oh, don't do a thing like that, Irving. Sit down, join us, join us. Irving Rado...
Chuck Yeager: [NASA recruiters are talking to test pilots] You need lab rabbits. Recruiter: Sorry, I didn't get that. Chuck Yeager: I said you need lab rabbits to curl up in your damn capsule. With its heart going "pitter-patter". And a wire up the k...
Joey Gazelle: [On the Ice, about to be hit with slap shots] Don't you do this Frankie. Don't you motherfucking do this! Motherfucker! Don't fucking do this! Don't hurt that motherfucking kid, you fuck! Perello: [laughing] You fucked up, Joey. You fuc...
Coach Boone: What, you say your name was Jerry? Bertier: [annoyed] Gerry. Coach Boone: No, you must have said Jerry. Jerry Lewis, which you make *you* [looks towards Dean] Coach Boone: Dean Martin. [towards parents] Coach Boone: Ladies and gentleman!...
[first lines] Luke: Echo Three to Echo Seven. Han, old buddy, do you read me? Han Solo: Loud and clear, kid. What's up? Luke: Well, I finished my circle. I don't pick up any life readings. Han Solo: There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a ...
[Chewbacca is fixing C-3PO] C-3PO: Oh, yes, that's very good, I like that... Oh! [the lights in his eyes go out] C-3PO: Well, now, something's not right, because now I can't see! [Chewie fiddles with something and his eyes turn back on] C-3PO: Oh, oh...
[while the Falcon is fleeing from Imperial fighters, and R2-D2 is stitching C-3PO back together] C-3PO: Noisy brute. Why don't we just go to lightspeed? R2-D2: [beeps] C-3PO: We can't? How would you know the hyperdrive is deactivated? R2-D2: [beeps] ...
