I didn't get to college until my 20s, because I was a young father on welfare and had to take all kind of jobs to support my young son. There's what frames my view on the topics I discuss on my shows, and the average person relates to that. No matter...
It’s natural to think of one’s own life as a novel (or a movie or a play), and within that narrative we are always the central character. Thoughtful people try to overcome this compulsion, but they usually fail (in fact, trying makes it worse). I...
I grew up in the middle of dairy country in Wisconsin, about as far from any major metropolitan area as you can get. I always assumed I was going to be an actor. I don't know why. I didn't have any reason to think that. In fact, when I finally did tr...
Whatever you call me, my parents encouraged me to go to college and become a book lover, and to trust that I could do nearly anything if I could find the right book at the library. It was true; books had saved me in my home remodeling projects, but t...
A Dr of the veterinary college at Utrecht... finds it a less arduous task to mount Pegasus (evidently borrowed from the veterinary school) and to proclaim in his how, during his bold fight to the top of the chemical Parnassus, the atoms appeared to h...
I didn't care for most of the books I was being asked to read in school. I started reading like crazy right after high school when I got a job in a mental hospital. I was working my way through college, and I did a lot of night shifts, and there was ...
Have I ever pretended to be something? I think back in college I think I might have told a girl that I was a professional tennis player once. And then, of course, she had never heard of me so I had to dig deeper. 'I'm just sort of on the playing sate...
- ...before I was going to college, my secret plan was to one day not tell anybody and just get on some bus to some random city and just move there and become this totally different person. - Then what? - ...and not come back until I had totally beco...
Well, OK then." He narrowed his eyes. "How about you? Do you have any...romances I should know about?" "Nope. Not one." "Well, good. Excellent. There'll be plenty of time for boys when you leave college and become a nun." She smiled. "I'm glad you ha...
Though I didn't quite plan it that way, I had my two sons at just about the same ages my mother saw me and my sister off to college, and my first novel was published when I was 46. This 'tardiness' isn't something I'm proud of, but I'm happy to be an...
He did recall that the summer after graduating from college before he joined the state police he had read Shakespeare. It was the pure language that stupefied him. He would be in a diner reading and his acquaintances were confident he was studying fo...
I played street hockey in Riverside Park when I was a kid. I played goalie. I didn't make the hockey team in college, so I played lacrosse instead. I didn't play hockey again for 20 to 25 years, and then my son became interested in the game. I decide...
Phyllis 'Beaver' Eklund: I heard she's into three-ways. Sherri Ward: Yeah, with other girls. Cathy 'Pork' Eklund: Yeah, like one of those MTV Girls. Alice Ward: MTV g... What're you talkin' about? Cathy 'Pork' Eklund: Wild. Cindy 'Tar' Eklund: She ac...
Cameron: I don't know what I'm gonna do. Sloane: College. Cameron: Yeah, but to do what? Sloane: What are you interested in? Cameron: Nothing. Sloane: Me neither! Cameron: [to Ferris, who's singing on the parade float] YOU'RE CRAZY! Sloane: What do y...
Sean: I just have a little question here. You could be a janitor anywhere. Why did work at the most prestigious technical college in the whole fuckin' world? And why did you sneak around at night and finish other people's formulas that only one or tw...
Vince Walker: I met him once. Collins: You mean Gandhi? Vince Walker: Yeah, in South Africa, a long time ago. I wonder if he'll recognize me. Collins: What was he like? Vince Walker: He had a full head of hair then. We were a bit like college student...
Cooper: You're ruling out college for my son now? He's fifteen. Principal: Tom's score simply isn't high enough. Cooper: What's your waist line? What 32, 33 inseam? Principal: I'm not sure I see what you're getting at. Cooper: You're telling me it ta...
Dwayne: You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work... Fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the ...
Corey Flood: Hi Joe, How are you? I love you. Joe: I love you too. Corey Flood: You invade my soul Joe: I want to get back together, Mimi is gonna go to college and I'm gonna be alone and I'm gonna break up with her before she leaves, have sex with m...
Mark Zuckerberg: People want to go online and check out their friends, so why not build a website that offers that? Friends, pictures, profiles, whatever you can visit, browse around, maybe it's someone you just met at a party. Eduardo, I'm not talki...
Alonzo Harris: All right, when's the last time you did a felony stop? Jake Hoyt: Uh, couple weeks ago? Alonzo Harris: Good, you need practice. Jake Hoyt: They look like college kids. Alonzo Harris: They're gonna get their education today. I don't wan...
