Your kids pissing you off is an inborn instinct. It's nature's way of getting you to kick them out when they turn 18! Okaaay. ~sigh~ Due to the times, you can kick them out between the ages of 28-38. Can someone please dramatically reduce the cost of...
I think a lot of people think I was born in a blue suit, on the David Brinkley show. And that isn't me. I am much more that kid who grew up in South St. Louis, in a very modest household, with a simple background with parents who didn't get through h...
I have been motivated by this idea since I was a kid that if we invented machines that were created in the way that people are - were aware, have free will, inventive machines, machines that would be geniuses - potentially, they could reinvent themse...
With theatre, we all agree to suspend our disbelief about so many things, but not about race. It's totally OK to have one actor playing five roles - people are willing to believe that. But they won't believe it if there's a black or an Asian kid who ...
I obviously identify with the anti-authority figure. I've pretty much always had problems with authority, ever since I was a kid. But, yeah, it's not identifying, I think it's more a part of my natural DNA that I question anybody who has a plan. Ever...
I think there's something really painful about your identity being entirely composed of ghosts. For me, I didn't want to be this kid whose Dominicanness was something caught utterly in the past, is an abstraction, the thing that I write about. Instea...
My thing is every generation of Americans has to answer what we call the 'Superman Question.' Superman comes, lands in America. He's illegal. He's one of these kids. He's wrapped up in a red bullfighter's cape. And you've got to decide what we're gon...
Adult librarians are like lazy bakers: their patrons want a jelly doughnut, so they give them a jelly doughnut. Children’s librarians are ambitious bakers: 'You like the jelly doughnut? I’ll get you a jelly doughnut. But you should try my cruller...
I am a lover. And with my kids I am even softer. I realize with my son, I have to sometimes be tough, especially now when he's pushing boundaries. With my daughter, I can get a little stern with her and she pretty much will listen.
I have never successfully written in the third person. If there's a rhythm or a musicality that interests me, I become obsessed with the character, and I just have this need to spend time with him or her. Sometimes I'll be in the park playing ball, a...
My kids, they're like nine or ten years old right now so you give 'em responsibilities just to keep them up on things. It ain't just all about getting on the skateboard or putting your Heelys on, and swimming in the pool all the time. You gotta do st...
I was a Marvel kid, and I would have to say that Spiderman is my all-time favorite character. As I got older, my tastes developed a little bit more, and I would follow certain writers; like, I really got into Grant Morrison. From the time I was 5, I ...
I think some of the funniest and most artistic people I know are the ones who had a hard time at school. They often have humility and artistry. So, as much as I feel bad for kids who have to go through a rough childhood, I believe that if they can tu...
When I was a kid, we went to St. Augustine, Fla., and I was lying on the couch one night with a Q-tip, cleaning my ear out after I'd taken a shower. I hit my arm on something, jabbed the Q-tip through my ear drum, busted my ear drum and couldn't get ...
On radio, you're in your own little world. Every time I'd be doing a possible no-hitter - I think I've done something like 25 no-hitters and a couple of perfect games - I would always put the date on the tape. Not for me, but for the player, so that ...
The role of Charlie Eppes has changed me. I never imagined I would play a role like this. I lost some weight, grew my hair and now every woman in America over 40 wants to date me. It's their daughters I want to convince. The truth is all this talk ma...
Frankie Avalon: I have a large family. Ace Rothstein: How many kids do you have? Frankie Avalon: I'm very proud to say that we have eight children. Ace Rothstein: That's amazing. Frankie Avalon: [audience applauding] No, no, please. Please. There's n...
Louis: [just as Pazu and Sheeta are about to head into town] Young man, query, have you seen a little girl around here? Pazu: Uh... let me see now... Yeah! There're about a hundred little girls in this town. Which one? Louis: [grumbling] Thanks... fo...
Ralphie: Heh, I was just kidding, even though Schwartz is getting one. I guess I'd just like some Tinker Toys. Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] I couldn't believe my own ears. Tinker Toys? She'd never buy it.
Deb: Kid, if there's anything you need, just ask your auntie Deb. That's me. Or if I'm not around, you can talk to my sister, Flo. [swims up to her reflection] Deb: Hi, how are ya? Don't listen to anything my sister says, she's nuts!
Gill: [Catches Nemo staring at his broken fin] My first escape. Landed on dentist tools. I was aiming for the toilet. Nemo: The toilet? Gill: All drains lead to the ocean, kid. Nemo: Wow. How may times have you tried to get out? Gill: Ah, I lost coun...
