If I were an outlaw, I’d want to be “Most Wanted.” It’s good to be desired. I’d be honored to be shot at for a large reward, or a small cup of coffee.
I am the coffee Randolph in your zebra escapade. Drink of me as you would any other time you swallow caffeinated saliva.
The swimming pool was drained of water. That’s why I went fishing in it. Go ahead, ask me what I did in your empty coffee cup.
I collect kitchens, one empty coffee cup at a time. I wish they made dishwashers that cleaned with dreams, not laundry detergent.
Air conditioning is indoor winter. Coffee is liquid wakefulness. And my love is like For Sale, only it’s not on sale. I’m afraid there is no discount.
He had sky eyes and sun hair and all the women loved him. And all I had was an empty coffee cup, full of sleepy hope.
If your breath smells like coffee, I might try to drink our conversation. Wake me up with the words you’re speaking.
Coffee, it’s love you can brew and drink. There is an edible kind of love, and if you’re interested, I make it by hand.
When you’re on your deathbed, you won’t regret not having spent more time cleaning. Buy brown carpet, to camouflage the coffee stains.
I treat strangers like friends, friends like family, and family like strangers. And I make love like a cup of coffee that likes a cup of tea.
I made dinner reservations for two, because I like eating alone. And I drink coffee by the bathtubful—but only while simultaneously taking a shower.
If I were handicapped, I’d travel by horse. Well, that’s assuming my wheelchair would be stable on the horse’s back. I’d be a coffee addict and porn historian.
Growing up I was so poor I wore coffee cups as shoes. The good part was my feet never fell asleep.
If you’re ever in a ghost town, it’s only appropriate to visit the cemetery. Also, ever thought that coffee’s steam is the rising soul of your dead sleep?
I couldn’t throw a basketball through a hula-hoop, but I could drink coffee through a fishing net. But why do that when I’d rather fish with a thermos?
I need my tropical square boots, and a fish that when it swims looks like my squiggly signature. Also, I could go for a cup of coffee.
Make time to make love. Then, after you’ve finished making love, make some coffee while I just lie in bed and quiver.
The smell of coffee was enough to wake up my neighbors. In a display of gratitude, they complained about my music being too loud.
I tried to wear my shirt while it was still on the hanger. That’s just the kind of morning person I am with no coffee.
One cup contains Starbucks coffee, and one holds diarrhea. But which is which? Drink it, and the one that doesn’t make you vomit is the diarrhea.
I should make a tongue condom shaped like an oven mitt, so my mouth’s spoken language muscle is protected from hot coffee.
