I owe all my originality, such as it is, to my determination not to be a literary man. Instead of belonging to a literary club I belong to a municipal council. Instead of drinking and discussing authors and reviews, I sit on committees with capable p...
I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had jokes stolen from me in the club when I'm next on stage. And my brain will start to turn, and the gears will start turning, and I'll go onstage and...
Jim Garrison: Under the guise of a patriotic club-owner out to spare Jackie Kennedy from having to testify at trial, Jack Ruby is shown his way into an underground parking garage by one of his inside men on the Dallas Police Force, and when he is rea...
Richard Barkley: Mr Woodroof, I'm afraid that you're nothing more than a common drug dealer, so if you'll excuse us... Ron Woodroof: Oh, I'm the drug dealer? No, you're the fuckin' drug dealer. I mean, goddamn, people are dyin'. And y'all are up ther...
Rayon: I'm Rayon. Ron Woodroof: Congratulations. Now fuck off and go back to your bed. Rayon: Relax, I don't bite. I guess you're handsome, in a Texas, hick, white trash, dumb kind of way. Ron Woodroof: Get the fuck out of here, whatever you are, bef...
Tyler Durden: Do you know what a duvet is? Narrator: It's a comforter... Tyler Durden: It's a blanket. Just a blanket. Now why do guys like you and me know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? ...
Narrator: You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you...
Lou: [Lou hits Tyler in the face] Do you hear me now? Tyler Durden: No, I didn't quite catch that, Lou. [Lou hits Tyler again] Tyler Durden: Still not getting it. [Lou hits Tyler a few more times] Tyler Durden: Ok, I got it. Shit, I lost it. [Lou con...
Richard Chesler: Get the fuck out of here, you're fired! Narrator: I have a better solution. You keep me on the payroll as an outside consultant and in exchange for my salary, my job will be never to tell people these things that I know. I don't even...
Tyler Durden: [the Narrator is trying to disarm a car bomb of nitroglycerin] You don't know which wire to pull. Narrator: I know everything you do, so if you know I know. Tyler Durden: Or maybe, since I knew you'd know I spent all days thinking about...
[Tyler and Jack stand in the bathroom doorway, watching Steph finish shaving off all of his hair. Tyler comes to give the top of Steph's head a sharp slap] Tyler Durden: Like a monkey, ready to be shot into space. Space monkey! Ready to sacrifice him...
Narrator: I just need to know if you've seen Tyler. Proprietor of Dry Cleaners: I'm not disclosed to bespeak any such information to you, nor would I, even if I had said information you want, at this juncture be able Narrator: [Resigned] You're a mor...
Narrator: He was *the* guerilla terrorist in the food service industry. [the Narrator looks at Tyler, who's urinating in a pot] Tyler Durden: Do not watch. I cannot go when you watch. Narrator: Apart from seasoning the lobster bisque, he farted on th...
Henckels: Who's shooting who? Dmitri: That's Gustave H., the escaped murderer and art thief! I've got him cornered! M. Gustave: That's Dmitri Desgoffe und Taxis! He's responsible for the killing of Deputy Kovacs, Serge X and his club-footed sister, p...
Serge X.: Forgive me, Monsieur Gustave, I never meant to betray you. They threatened my life and now they've murdered my only family. M. Gustave: No! Who'd they kill this time? Serge X.: My dear sister. M. Gustave: The girl with the club foot? Serge ...
Conrad: This is for you. Nicholas: You shouldn't have. Conrad: What do you get for the man who has... everything? Nicholas: [reading card] "Consumer Recreation Services." Well, I do have golf clubs. Conrad: Call that number. Nicholas: Why? Conrad: Ma...
Annette: That'll be four bucks, babyface. Two for initiation fee, two for this month's dues. Robert E. Lee "Prew' Prewitt: What do I get for it? Annette: Members are entitled to all privileges of the club, which includes dancing, snack bar, soft drin...
Christian: The Moulin Rouge. A night club, a dance hall and a bordello. Ruled over by Harold Zidler. A kingdom of night time pleasures. Where the rich and powerful came to play with the young and beautiful creatures of the underworld. The most beauti...
Field Reporter: Chief, if I were surrounded by eight or ten of these things, would I stand a chance with them? Sheriff McClelland: Well, there's no problem. If you have a gun, shoot 'em in the head. That's a sure way to kill 'em. If you don't, get yo...
Pop Fisher: My ma urged me to get out of this game. When I was a kid, she pleaded with me. And I meant to, you know what I mean? But she died. Red Blow: Tough. Pop Fisher: Now look at me. I'm wet nurse to a last-place, dead-to-the-neck-up ball club, ...
John Bender: YOU ARE A BITCH. Claire Standish: Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch? John Bender: NO. 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do someone, and you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them you're g...
