Clark: Could I do your back, honey? Ellen Griswold: I've already done my back. Clark: Could I do your front? Ellen Griswold: Go do your own front.
Cousin Eddie: Yeah, I bet you could use a cool one, eh? Clark: Now you're talking! [Eddie hands Clark his opened beer he'd been drinking and opens the last fresh one for himself]
Clark: [after being in the desert for too long, Clark begins to go insane] Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! Dead. I'm dead. Taxi! Here boy! The heat. Darn. I'm dead. I'm finished. Hot! Hot!
In accordance with the terms of the Clarke-Asimov treaty, the second-best science writer dedicates this book to the second-best science-fiction writer. [dedication to Isaac Asimov from Arthur C. Clarke in his book Report on Planet Three]
I don't believe in brands.
Sometimes, when you were thinking about something, trying to understand it, it opened up in your head without you expecting it to, like it was a soft spongy light unfolding, and you understood, it made sense forever…
Cousin Eddie: I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark? Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie.
Clark: [Edited TV version] Excuse me. Could you please tell how to get back on the expressway? Pimp: Man, who do I look like, Christopher "Columbo" Clark: Thank you very much.
A broad base of knowledge is critically important to our ability to investigate terrorism.
Imagination is an instrument of survival.
[Todd and Margo Chester, the Griswold's yuppie neighbors, appear] Todd: Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big? Clark: Bend over and I'll show you. Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold. Clark: I ...
Mr. Frank Shirley: [to Clark] You're fired! And where's the phone? I'm calling the police! Eddie: Now, just hold your wad there, fella. Clark had nothin' to do with this. This here, was my idea. Mr. Frank Shirley: All right, he's still fired. And, *y...
Stewart Menzies: [candidates are taking a timed test] Six minutes... is that even possible? Alan Turing: No, it takes me eight. Joan Clarke: [raises her hand] Alan Turing: You're finished?... Five minutes thirty four seconds. Joan Clarke: You said to...
Aunt Edna: Did you tell Clark and Ellen the good news? Catherine: [nervously] Uh, no; I was just about to. Ellen Griswold: Good news, what good news, Catherine? Aunt Edna: You're driving me to Phoenix! [Clark begins choking on his hamburger]
[about Blackwood coming back from the grave] Sherlock Holmes: Have the newspapers got wind of it yet? Constable Clark: Well, that's what we're trying to avoid, sir. Sherlock Holmes: Certainly. What's the major concern? Constable Clark: Panic. Sheer b...
John Bender: Uh, Dick? Excuse me; Rich. Will milk be made available to us? Andrew Clark: We're extremely thirsty, sir. Claire Standish: I have a really low tolerance for dehydration. Andrew Clark: I've seen her dehydrate, sir. It's pretty gross.
Allison Reynolds: You have problems. Andrew Clark: Oh, I have problems? Allison Reynolds: You do everything everyone tells you to do and that is a problem. Andrew Clark: Okay, fine, but I didn't dump my purse out on the couch and invite everyone into...
John Bender: Sporto. Andrew Clark: What? John Bender: You get along with your parents? Andrew Clark: Well, if I say yes I'm an idiot, right? John Bender: You're an idiot anyway. But if you say you get along with your parents, well, you're a liar too.
The internet is not for sissies.
I fix my grandchildren's computers.
The computer is a moron.
