Clark Griswald: [to the Dodge City bartender] Hey Knucklehead, set us up with four Red eye's will ya? [the bartender ignors him] Clark Griswald: Hey Yellabelly, I'm talking to you! [the bartender glares at Clark] Clark Griswald: Hey Tender foot, move...
Ellen Griswold: [after the bartender shoots at Clark] Clark, I don't think that was funny. A loud noise like that could damage the kids' hearing. Clark Griswald: C'mon, Ellen. It looked real. Hell - I thought it was a real gun. Didn't you think it wa...
Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess. Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah. Clark: How'd you get through it? Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.
[Clark has just been pulled over by a Colorado motorcycle cop] Clark: Hi officer, what's the problem? Motorcycle Cop: Get out of the car! [Clark exits from the car] Clark: I don't think I was speeding. Was I weaving or something? Motorcycle Cop: Shut...
Dr. Blair: Clark? Clark: Yeah? Dr. Blair: Did you notice anything strange about the dog? Anything at all? Clark: Strange? No. Dr. Blair: What was the dog doing in the rec room? Clark: I don't know. It's just wondering around camp all day. Dr. Blair: ...
Andrew Clark: So... what's your poison? [Allison says nothing] Andrew Clark: ... Ok, forget I asked. Allison Reynolds: Vodka. Andrew Clark: Vodka? When do you drink vodka. Allison Reynolds: Whenever. Andrew Clark: How much? Allison Reynolds: Tons.
Clark: My cousin in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain... Eddie: I appreciate that, Clark. Clark: ...Is innocent.
Clark: [Clark is about to cut the rope holding the branches of his huge Christmas tree] I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree. [He cuts the rope, and the branches fly out, breaking windows and surrounding Clark] Clark: Lotta sap in here! Mmmm...
Ellen Griswold: Don't just blurt it out about Edna dying. Clark Griswald: How about if I ask him to play 20 Questions? [Clark knocks on the front door of Normie's house and rings the doorbell, but no anwser] Clark Griswald: Oh, for chrissake, he isn'...
I never bought a man who wasn't for sale. -W.A. Clark, ascribed
Clark: Russ, go get the hammer. Ellen: Clark, what do you need a hammer for? Clark: I'm gonna catch it in the coat... And smack it with the hammer.
Clark: Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks, we're all in for a real treat! Eddie: Save the neck for me, Clark. Clark: Okay Eddie...
We had a great many horses, of which we gave Lewis and Clark what they needed, and they gave us guns and tobacco in return.
Aunt Edna: Clark, Dinkums needs a long walk and a bath. Clark: Rusty take care of Dinkums. Rusty: Dad he bites. Clark: Bite him back.
Clark Gable was the first to have called me a mermaid.
Clark: [the Christmas dinner table shudders, and loud gagging noises come from underneath. Clark looks to see where its coming from] Edward, what's wrong with the dog? Eddie: [Looks underneath the table] Oh, he's just yakkin' on a bone. [Grotesque ba...
Mr. Clark, Andrew's Father: Hey, I screwed around. Guys screw around, there's nothin' wrong with that. [Andy nods head] Mr. Clark, Andrew's Father: Except you got caught, Sport. Andrew: Yeah, Mom already wringed me, alright? Mr. Clark, Andrew's Fathe...
Mechanic 2: Ain't never seen anyone so shit-all stupid as you driving off that road. You musta got manure for your brains. Clark: Yeah, well, I'm from out of town. So, what's the bill? Come on, come on, how much? Mechanic 1: How much you got? Clark: ...
When Clark Gable kissed me, they had to carry me off the set.
Ellen Griswold: I honestly don't think you're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road. Clark: Jesus, it's only the biggest damn hole in the world. Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language! Clark: Make that the second biggest.
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
