I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
Diane Keaton is good for women in and of herself. She's smart and funny and real.
Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
One man's folly is another man's wife.
I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
I'd so much rather people think I was funny than pretty.
Comedy is not funny. Comedy is hard work and timing and lots and lots of rehearsals.
I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.
If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents.
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
