And when the firemen turned off the hose and were standing in the wet, smoky room, Jim's Aunt, Miss. Prothero, came downstairs and peered in at them. Jim and I waited, very quietly, to hear what she would say to them. She said the right thing, always...
I am sorry to have to introduce the subject of Christmas into these articles. It is an indecent subject; a cruel, gluttonous subject; a drunken, disorderly subject; a wasteful, disastrous, subject; a wicked, cadging, lying, filthy, blashphemous, and ...
From the baking aisle to the post office line to the wrapping paper bin in the attic, women populate every dark corner of Christmas. Who got up at 4 a.m. to put the ham in the oven? A woman. . . . Who sent the Christmas card describing her eighteen-y...
I hated that the soldier doll had my name. I mean, please. I didn't play with him much. He was another Christmas present from my clueless grandparents. One time when they were visiting, my grandpa asked me if G.I. Joe had been in any wars lately. I s...
Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hangin' curveball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent over-rated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe ther...
If you desire to find the true spirit of Christmas and partake of the sweetness of it, let me make this suggestion to you. During the hurry of the festive occasion of this Christmas season, find time to turn your heart to God. Perhaps in the quiet ho...
Mr. Parker: So what else happened today? Mother: Oh, nothing much. Ralphie had a fight? Mr. Parker: A fight? What kind of a fight? [Looks at Ralphie] Mother: Oh, you know how boys are. I gave him a talking to... [Looks at the news paper] Mother: Uh I...
Mr. Parker: Dadgummit! Blow out! [on the highway, the car has gotten a flat tire] Mr. Parker: Ah ha! [excitedly gets out of the car] Mother: Not again. Mr. Parker: Four minutes. Time me. Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Actually the Old Man loved it. He...
Clark: [the Christmas dinner table shudders, and loud gagging noises come from underneath. Clark looks to see where its coming from] Edward, what's wrong with the dog? Eddie: [Looks underneath the table] Oh, he's just yakkin' on a bone. [Grotesque ba...
Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Wh...
Ebenezer Scrooge: Bob Cratchit, I've had my fill of this. Miss Piggy: And I have had my fill of you, Mr. Scrooge. Ebenezer Scrooge: And therefore, Bob Cratchit... Miss Piggy: And therefore, you can leave this house at once. Ebenezer Scrooge: And ther...
Jacob Marley: Why do you doubt your senses? Ebenezer Scrooge: Because a little thing can effect them. A slight disorder of the stomach can make them cheat. You may be a bit of undigested beef, a blob of mustard, a crumb of cheese. Yes. There's more g...
Gonzo: He was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scr... [noticing the smudged window of Scrooge's office] Gonzo: Boy, this really *is* a dirty city! Rizzo the Rat: Heh, you're tellin' me! [Gonzo grabs Rizzo and uses him to wipe off the window pan...
As long as we keep loving, it will always be Christmas.
Christmas is a time for families.
Christmas is never over, unless you want it to be.
A well-read woman is a dangerous creature.
We can _start_ making Christmas and Santa can finish up.
Christmas; silence breathed childlike anticipation in your heart.
'The Nightmare Before Christmas' is my number one biggest influence artistically in every way.
A simplified Christmas isn't about circumstances as much as it is about focus.
