My parents were kind of over protective people. Me and my sister had to play in the backyard all the time. They bought us bikes for Christmas but wouldn't let us ride in the street, we had to ride in the backyard. Another Christmas, my dad got me a b...
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Meanwhile, I struggled for exactly the right BB gun hint. It had to be firm, but subtle. Ralphie: Flick says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaski's candy store! [everyone stares at Ralphie] Ralphie as Adult: [narrating...
Miss Shields: [reading Ralphie's theme in his fantasy, she clutches his essay to her chest] Oh! The theme I've been waiting for all my life. Listen to this sentence: "A Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time". P...
Mr. Parker: It's a Major Award! Swede: A Major Award? Shucks, I wouldn't know that. It looks like a lamp. Mr. Parker: It is a lamp, you nincompoop, but it's a Major Award. I won it! Swede: Damn, hell, you say won it? Mr. Parker: Yeah, mind power, Swe...
Ralphie: Well, what have we got here, folks? Mr. Parker: Well, we figure it's Black Bart, uh, Ralph. Ralphie: Well, it's just me and my trusty old Red Ryder carbine-action, 200-shot, range model air rifle. Lucky I got a compass in the stock.
[after Clark fails at lighting all the exterior Christmas lights at the "lighting ceremony" in front of the entire family] Frances: Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was. Audrey: He worked re...
Sam the Eagle: Tomorrow, you become a man of business! Young Scrooge: I'm looking forward to it, Headmaster. Sam the Eagle: Mm, you will love business. It is the AMERICAN WAY! Gonzo: [whispers] Sam... [whispers in Sam's ear] Sam the Eagle: Oh... It i...
Gonzo: Once again, I must ask you to remember that the Marleys were dead, and decaying in their graves. Rizzo the Rat: Yuck! Gonzo: [whispering] That one thing you must remember, or nothing that follows will seem wondrous. Rizzo the Rat: Why are you ...
Rizzo the Rat: Oh, Gonzo, speak to me! I mean, Mr. Dickens. Charlie! Are you hurt? Gonzo: [gets up] To say that Scrooge became startled would be untrue. Still the moment had passed, and the world was as it should be. Rizzo the Rat: He ain't hurt. Did...
Santa: [from in the bag] Me on vacation? On Christmas Eve? Barrel: Where are we taking him? Shock: Where? Lock: To Oogie Boogie, of course. There's no where in the whole world more comfortable than *that*. And Jack *said* to make him comfortable, did...
Police officer: Attention. Attention, citizens. Terrible news. There is still no sign of Santa Claus. Although the imposter has been shut down. It looks like Christmas will have to be cancelled this year. I repeat: The imposter has been shot down, bu...
Christmas is over and Business is Business.
A good conscience is a continual Christmas.
Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.
Perhaps you'd like, you gentle fellow, To hear what I'm prepared to say On "kinfolk" and their implications? Well, here's my view of close relations: They're people whom we're bound to prize, To honor, love, and idolize, And following the old traditi...
This was not a good idea coming home for Christmas. I'm too old. Years ago, coming back from schools or trips, I always expected some sort of new perspective or fresh insight about the family on returning. That doesn't happen anymore-the days of reve...
At last the anchor was up, the sails were set, and off we glided. It was a short, cold Christmas; and as the short northern day merged into night, we found ourselves almost broad upon the wintry ocean, whose freezing spray cased us in ice, as in poli...
So now we pause. Still. Ponder. Hush. Wait. Each day of Advent, He gives you the gift of time, so you have time to be still and wait. Wait for the coming of the God in the manger who makes Himself bread for us near starved. For the Savior in swaddlin...
You are not practicing Judaism if you celebrate Christmas.
Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected.
I've not cooked Christmas dinner since 1982.
