Mom: [Playing Santa] And this is for daddy... [Picks up a gift-wrapped bowling ball and drops it in The Old Man's Lap] Mom: Here, from me to you. The Old Man: [high-pitched] Thanks a lot!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] There has never been a kid who didn't believe vaguely but incessantly that he would be stricken blind before he reached 21, and then they'd be sorry.
Ralphie as Adult: C+? Oh no, it CAN'T be! Ralphie: C+? Miss Shields: [in Ralphie's fantasy, dressed as the Wicked Witch] C+! C+! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Clark: [Finally revealing his Christmas Bonus] It's a membership to the Jelly of the Month Club. Eddie: [Overwhelmed, almost choking on his eggnog] Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving throughout the entire year.
Eddie: [walks in with a bound and gagged Mr. Shirley tied with a big red ribbon] Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas, Clark. [to Mr. Shirley] Eddie: You about ready to do some kissing?
[Uncle Lewis lights his cigar accidentally burns the Christmas tree] Clark: Lewis? My tree! Uncle Lewis: So what's the matter with you? Clark: Look what you've done to my tree!
[first lines] Azim: He says "Christmas." So I say to him, [in Turkish] Azim: "Should we go shopping?" [English] Azim: The kid's 16. He says, "But uncle, it's Christmas."
Tom: Look, it's all completely chicken soup. Nick the Greek: It's what? Tom: It's kosher. As Christmas. Nick the Greek: The Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom.
Rizzo the Rat: [a nearby clock strikes the hour] Oh, what was that? Gonzo: Two o'clock. Rizzo the Rat: Is it too early for breakfast? Gonzo: Yes. Rizzo the Rat: Oh good, suppertime!
Rizzo the Rat: [falls down a chimney ignoring Gonzo] Hey! I'm stuck! Get me out of here! Gonzo: I knew you weren't suited for literature.
Robert Marley: Look, it's Ebeneezer Scrooge! Jacob Marley: Looking older and more wicked than ever. Robert Marley: I knew he wouldn't disappoint us!
For me, Halloween is the best holiday in the world. It even beats Christmas. I get to dress up in a costume. I get to wear a mask. I get to go around like every other kid with a mask and nobody thinks I look weird. Nobody takes a second look. Nobody ...
I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round -- apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that -- as a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant ti...
The rest of the year, I wondered if the point of Christmas was just spending money and getting fat and opening gifts. Indulging. But when Christmas finally comes, and that warm, tingly, mints-and-sweaters-and-fireplace-fires feeling gathers in the bo...
It’s funny how one summer can change everything. It must be something about the heat and the smell of chlorine, fresh-cut grass and honeysuckle, asphalt sizzling after late-day thunderstorms, the steam rising while everything drips around it. Somet...
He had done nothing on Christmas day, just wandered around outside in the frozen woods. Hard ground, chill winds and bare branches that looked like they'd been dipped in sugar. None of it seemed real, like walking around in a desolate dream, but one ...
He’s the kind of kid who, just looking at him, you know gets bullied by the older boys and takes it out on everyone who is either weaker than him or required to refrain from smacking him.
Thank you for reminding me that the future is in God's hands.'" "'You're welcome. And remember, wherever you go, in body and mind, you simply need to call out to God and He is there
If you treat an animal right, they don't run away. They're not like us. They run away from people they don't trust; most times we run away from ourselves.
It's not getting from A to B. It's not the beginning or the destination that counts. It's the ride in between...This train is alive with things that should be seen and heard. It's a living, breathing something -- you just have to want to learn its rh...
Marty, my mother used to say "Never get greedy with God." I think what she meant was "Don't dare ask for more if you already have what you need."
