Boy, when Grandma Wrinklebottom comes to town, you’d better hide your underwear. I know I’ll be hiding my political perspectives.
It’s a fact I want to own a factory that makes up facts and figures, and I figure to make a fortune selling to politicians.
I’m on a shoestring budget, which means I don’t have any extra money to buy the surrounding shoes to even lace up.
The fastest I’ve ever fallen in love is 17 miles per hour. But I was safe, because I was wearing a bicycle helmet at the time.
After a long day of screaming at the trees, I smell like a skyscraper. Would you care to ride on my elevator shaft?
I feel like I’m walking around in a fog. Orafoura doesn’t call me Mr. Mist for nothing.
Not only did I not win the sweepstakes, but I didn’t even bother to enter. I feel discriminated against.
I can do a week in a weekend. That’s not how efficient I am, that’s how little I work.
Hemingway suggested you write the truest sentence you know. I say write the falsest one you don’t know. This is fiction.
Mr Martinek turned back to Jana. 'Thirty-eight per cent alcohol, sixty-two per cent fire - all the way from Karlovy Vary.
We don't know what proportion of public funds is regularly lost to collusion and corruption. Is it 25 per cent? 30 per cent? We do know that a portion of these public funds are feeding organized crime.
Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. I know, because I turned down the first offer often enough and held out for the fifty cents.
There are less than 1 per cent of anorexic girls, but there more than 30 per cent of girls in France - I don't know about England - that are much, much overweight. And it is much more dangerous and very bad for the health.
I owe 90 per cent of my life to people because I am a public figure, but 10 per cent is private to me. And I am not saying it in a defensive way. I feel my life has been made into a TV serial.
If a Middle Eastern sheikh comes to buy Bayern Munich, he could buy 49 per cent. Fifty-one per cent must stay in Germany with the club. That law came about because of the developments of international football.
Healthcare is growing now at about 10 per cent per annum in the U.S. top line, versus 3 per cent for the economy. As someone with a sharp pencil and an eye for this kind of thing, this can't last.
Women are not making it to the top. A hundred and ninety heads of state; nine are women. Of all the people in parliament in the world, thirteen per cent are women. In the corporate sector, women at the top - C-level jobs, board seats - tops out at fi...
I don’t like the term “Average Joe.” I prefer “Dolly,” because not only is the Everyman a sheep, but he’s also a clone. They all think alike and act alike.
I saw two lizards kissing yesterday, but I scared them off. Maybe I should have taken off my bird costume before peeping on them.
It’s not lit, it’s literature. Lit is something a book can be, after you’ve decided to burn it. (I suggest you start the fire with my book.)
If I could sleep with any literary character, I’d love to sleep with The Cat in the Hat. But don’t tell Cap’n, because he might get jealous and meow at me.
