Quotes of: Cents Keyword

I make love like a lump of cold oatmeal. I apologize if that mental image excites you and makes you hunger for me.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

The door handle is on the wrong side of the door. It’s on the inside only, only in my dreams. I can leave, but I can’t return.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I need your compliments to feed my ego, because it’s bored of mac and cheese. And honestly, so am I.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, go all out and write in Lucifer on the ballot.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

An award would be more prestigious if it came with a supplemental income for a year, so you could focus on repeating your title.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Yes, ma’am, I will take seconds. Your dinner tastes like excrement. I scream, you scream, we all scream for excrement.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Aside from myself, there aren’t too many people trying to be me. That may change in the future, when all my clones arrive.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

If I walked in on two of my clones having sex, I’d think it was gay, incestuous, and just plain rude to have not invited me.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I gathered all my eggs in one basket, because I believe in collectivism, and I wanted a tyrannical omelet.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Governments are too stupid to understand that too much red tape does not bind a nation together—it tears it apart.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Love is like a buffalo with butterfly wings, and I’m just the humble man in the jetpack trying to shoot it down with a bow and arrow. 

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Socialism provides safety in numbers. And that’s OK, if you don’t mind trading your name—your identity and individualism—for a number.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I got tapped for the job position. As soon as I felt it on my shoulder, I turned around and my boss told me.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I made her late, so she made me dinner. And by late I mean pregnant. And by dinner I mean marry her.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

The only thing I have left to remember her by is the scent of her perfume. I just broke into her car and stole the bottle.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

How to get money: earn it, steal it, borrow it, beg for it, or inherit it. So, who do I have to kill to get rich?

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Wealth—one billion, two billion, what’s the difference? The difference is one billion—the same difference as flat broke, like me, and one billion.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Ma’am, I can take either you or your purse, but I can’t take both. And honestly, I’d rather take your purse.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

I’m so silent I can hardly hear myself think. But that’s why I bought the scissors and the condom.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Male or female, if my name were either Don or Dawn, I’d be up at sunrise to celebrate the glory that is me.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense

Mr. Shit gives politicians a good name. It’s the rest of the politicians who give Mr. Shit a bad name.

99 Cents For Some Nonsense