It was Carrot who'd suggested to the Patrician that hardened criminals should be given the chance to 'serve the community' by redecorating the homes of the elderly, lending a new terror to old age and, given Ankh-Morpork's crime rate, leading to at l...
Vimes had once discussed the Ephebian idea of ‘democracy’ with Carrot, and had been rather interested in the idea that everyone had a vote until he found out that while he, Vimes, would have a vote, there was no way in the rules that anyone could...
A book has been taken. A book has been taken? You summoned the Watch," Carrot drew himself up proudly, "because someone's taken a ? You think that's worse than murder?" The Librarian gave him the kind of look other people would reserve for people who...
I wrote this piece because my mailbox was full of bills, junk mail, and lettuce, but not a single letter from Andre Breton. So I decided I’d write to him (though I did eat my first two drafts).
Mission motto, sir," said Carrot cheerfully. "Morituri Nolumus Mori. Rincewind suggested it." "I imagine he did," said Lord Vetinari, observing the wizard coldly. "And would you care to give us a colloquial translation, Mr Rincewind?" "Er..." Rincewi...
Very simply, we subsidize high-fructose corn syrup in this country, but not carrots. While the surgeon general is raising alarms over the epidemic of obesity, the president is signing farm bills designed to keep the river of cheap corn flowing, guara...
Alright. You hate me, I'm not too fond of you. It's mutual..." he muttered, walking hesitantly toward the stallion, hand outstretched, "I know you want to bite my hand off, but I swear I have no carrots, so you have no excuse. You want to throw me wh...
Remember, changing someone’s hang-ups is an easier task if stays in the realm of sex because the carrot at the end of this trip is—SEX! It’s not so easy to change other aspects of a man’s personality because the rewards aren’t as apparent a...
Perhaps man was neither good nor bad, was only a machine in an insensate universe--his courage no more than a reflex to danger, like the automatic jump at the pin-prick. Perhaps there were no virtues, unless jumping at pin-pricks was a virtue, and hu...
Carolyn Burnham: What are you doing? Lester Burnham: Nothing. Carolyn Burnham: You were masturbating! Lester Burnham: I was not. Carolyn Burnham: Yes you were! Lester Burnham: Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was chokin...
I sit up in bed and watch her fiddle about in the back of my wardrobe. I think she's got a plan. That's what's good about Zoey. She'd better hurry up though, because I'm starting to think of things like carrots. And air. And ducks. And pear trees. Ve...
We're dealing here," said Vimes, "With a twisted mind." "Oh, no! You think so?" "Yes." "But... no... you can't be right. Because Nobby was with us all the time." "Not Nobby," said Vimes testily. "Whatever he might do to a dragon, I doubt if he'd make...
Vimes stared. It was true about the dogs. There didn't seem to be quite so many mooching around these days, and that was a fact. But he'd visited a few dwarf bars with Carrot, and knew that dwarfs would indeed eat dog, but only of they couldn't get r...
Then Carrot said, "It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness, captain. That's what they say." "What?" Vimes sudden rage was like a thunderclap. "Who says that? When has that ever been true? It's never been true! It's the kind of thing peo...
Here comes Mamma Vauquerr, fair as a starrr; and strung up like a bunch of carrots. Aren't we suffocating ourselves a wee bit?' he asked, placing a hand on the top of her corset. 'A bit of a crush in the vestibule, here, Mamma! If we start crying, th...
Paris Driver: Okay, if you're so smart, let me ask you a question. What color am I? Blind Woman: I don't give a fuck about colors! Paris Driver: But people have different colors of skin. Blind Woman: Look, I don't care if you're green or blue like a ...
The past has given us much too many bad answers for us not to see that the mistakes were in the questions themselves. There is no need to choose between the fetishism of spontaneity and the organization control; between the "come one, come all" of ac...
To-day I think Only with scents, - scents dead leaves yield, And bracken, and wild carrot's seed, And the square mustard field; Odours that rise When the spade wounds the root of tree, Rose, currant, raspberry, or goutweed, Rhubarb or celery; The smo...
Fred, George, Harry, and Ron were the only ones who knew that the angel on top of the tree was actually a garden gnome that had bitten Fred on the ankle as he pulled up carrots for Christmas dinner. Stupefied, painted gold, stuffed into a miniature t...
Reverend Clement Hedges: To kill such a creature will require nerves of steel and... a bullet! [lightning strikes] Lord Victor Quartermaine: A bullet? [lightning strikes] Reverend Clement Hedges: A bullet! [lightning strikes] Lord Victor Quartermaine...
Dr. Lester: Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz. Craig Schwartz: Oh, no. Dr. Lester: If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears. Craig Schwartz: I wasn't toying with her sir, I wouldn't - pardon me, how old are you, sir? Dr. Lester: 105. Carrot juice, ...
