A sand trap is like a politician in its duality. It represents two opposing viewpoints. You see, it was designed to trap your ball. So it exists to have balls land in it. But it was also designed to be avoided. So it also exists to not have balls lan...
As my Uncle Sam (not related to the bloated government entity of the same name) used to say, “The only thing more honest than a politician is, well, EVERYTHING.
What would you consider a good job?" Answered as follows: "A good job is one in which I don't have to work, and get paid a lot of money." When I heard that I cheered and yelled and felt that he should be given an A+, for he had perfectly articulated ...
Normally, anything done in the name of 'the kids' strikes me as either slightly sentimental or faintly sinister—that redolence of moral blackmail that adheres to certain charitable appeals and certain kinds of politician. (Not for nothing is baby-k...
Her name is Shelen, and I think she probably has a brother named Helen. He is Helen, a male with a female’s name, but life could be worse. He could be a liar, a thief, and immoral. In other words, Helen could be a politician. And without knowing an...
When I hear a politician has died in a car accident, I think, “How tragic! Even if the car suffered only a small dent, it makes me want to cry out to God in despair.
Although distortion of the past is widespread, the most common travesty is one of omission, wherein populist leaders neglect to mention the crimes committed by their own side or recollect them in such a way that evades accepting full responsibility. ...
I watched the rain fall, and I thought, “That water supply is lost revenue for my city’s utility company. The rain that falls on my neighbor’s land is city water, and whether they collect it in barrels or wastefully let it seep into the land, t...
I had a dream about you. You were a politician, and I was the last man alive who believed in you. That’s why society felt I was the perfect person to assassinate you, and I felt guilty until I realized that 1,000 ounces of gold can really clean a m...
The hidden cost of frowning is the negative impact on the people around you, which results in diminished productivity in the workforce, and lost tax revenue for the city. Thus, frowns should be fined, and smiles should be taxed (since they increase p...
I was supposed to attend a conference in Toledo, but rather than travel, I lobbied City Counsel to change our town’s name to Toledo. I should be a politician. Not only would I save the taxpayers on travel expenses, but I could do my job without doi...
I saw an old woman walking in the rain, and rather than offer her an umbrella, I offered her advice. I said, “Rejoice in the rain. Pretend you’ve just exited the desert.” I knew my words impacted her because she shivered in delight. I should be...
My friend, coworker, and neighbor didn’t have a way to get to work, so he asked me for a ride. I told him he should just not show up, stay home, and collect unemployment for a not job well done (or a job not well done). I should be a politician.
Please don't grow up to be one of those men who lie for the sport of it, and most men do. That's a fact. That's why the world is so messed up, Noah. That's why history books are full of so much heartache, and tragedy. Politicians, dictators, kings, p...
I didn't plan to be a politician. The founder of our country, David Ben-Gurion, called me from the kibbutz to serve in the underground. We were short of manpower, short of arms. I was 24 years old. I was supposed to serve my country for one or two ye...
People often ask me how I feel about my invention being used to kill people every day and the AK being a common weapon of ethnic conflicts. I want to make it clear that I created my assault rifle to protect my country. You can blame politicians for i...
Seeing yourself in print is such an amazing concept: you can get so much attention without having to actually show up somewhere. While others who have something to say or who want to be effectual, like musicians or baseball players or politicians, ha...
The proposal to quit voting is basically revolutionary; it amounts to a shifting of power from one group to another, which is the essence of revolution. As soon as the nonvoting movement got up steam, the politicians would most assuredly start a coun...
Honey, it isn’t democracy that runs this country. Capitalism rules. It does no good to reason with the capitalists or their politicians. This is a class war. We have to stir up the American people, the lower class. Some of the better-off lower clas...
Supposedly, the government is in the process of saving us from terrorists. No one has quite figured out who is going to save us from the government. It seems it will have to be us. Part of what we built works great. Part of what we built badly needs ...
I have found that we need to maintain relationships with all spheres of society: the local community, politicians from all parties, business leaders, artists, and farmers....We don't favor one kind of person over another, or one political party over ...
