M. Gustave: The beginning of the end of the end of the beginning has begun. A sad finale played off-key on a broken-down saloon piano in the outskirts of a forgotten ghost town. I'd rather not bear witness to such blasphemy. Zero: Me neither. M. Gust...
M. Gustave: You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it.
M. Gustave: Well, what does it say? Where is it? What's it all about, damn it? Don't keep us in suspense, Serge, this has been a complete fucking nightmare! Just tell us what the fuck is going on!
M. Gustave: [Following Mme. Celine's death] All of Lutz will be dressed in black... except her own ghastly, deceitful children, whom she loathed and couldn't bear to kiss hello. They'll be dancing like gypsies.
M. Gustave: If there's one thing we've learned from the Penny-Dreadfuls it's that if you find yourself in a place like this you should on no account let yourself be thought of as a candy-ass.
M. Gustave: [to Mme. Celine's corpse] You're looking so well, darling, you really are... they've done a marvelous job. I don't know what sort of cream they've put on you down at the morgue, but... I want some.
Author: When the destiny of a great fortune is at stake, men's greed spreads like a poison in the bloodstream. Uncles, nephews, cousins, in-laws of increasingly tenuous connection. The old woman's distant relations had come foraging out of the woodwo...
Dmitri: If I learn you ever once laid a finger on my mother's body, living or dead, I swear to God, I'll cut your throat! You hear me? M. Gustave: I thought I was supposed to be a fucking faggot. Dmitri: You are, but you're bisexual.
M. Gustave: [Upon seeing Ludwig's map of Checkpoint 19] Who drew this? Ludwig: What do you mean, "who drew this"? I did. M. Gustave: Very good; you've got a wonderful line, Ludwig! This shows great artistic promise.
Henckels: By order of the commissioner of police, Zubrowka Province, I hereby place you under arrest for the murder of Madame Celine Villenueve Desgoffe-und-Taxis. M. Gustave: I knew there was something fishy. We never got the cause of death. She's b...
M. Gustave: [Gustave and Zero are examining "Boy With Apple" in Dmitri's study] This is van Hoytl's exquisite portrayal of a beautiful boy on the cusp of manhood. Blond, smooth skin as white as that milk, of impeccable provenance. One of the last in ...
M. Gustave: [Regarding "Boy with Apple"] I'll never part with it. It reminded her of me; it will remind me of her, always. I'll die with this picture above my bed. See the resemblance? Zero: Oh... oh, yes. M. Gustave: [Just minutes later] Actually, w...
M. Gustave: If I die first, and I almost certainly will, you will be my sole heir. There's not much in the kitty, except a set of ivory-backed hairbrushes and my library of romantic poetry, but when the time comes, these will be yours. Along with wha...
M. Gustave: I must say, I find that girl utterly delightful. Flat as a board, enormous birthmark the shape of Mexico over half her face, sweating for hours on end in that sweltering kitchen, while Mendl, genius though he is, looms over her like a hul...
M. Gustave: Serge X, missing. Deputy Kovacs, also missing. Madame D, dead. Boy With Apple, stolen. By us. Dmitri and Jopling, ruthless, cold-blooded savages. Gustave H, at large. What else? Zero: Zero, confused. M. Gustave: Zero, confused, indeed. Th...
Dmitri: [about M. Gustave] This criminal has plagued my family for nearly 20 years. He's a ruthless adventurer and a con artist who preys on mentally feeble, sick old ladies! And he probably fucks them, too! M. Gustave: I go to bed with all my friend...
M. Gustave: [Of Mme. Celine] She was dynamite in the sack, by the way. Zero: ...She was 84, Monsieur Gustave. M. Gustave: Mmm, I've had older. When you're young, it's all filet steak, but as the years go by, you have to move on to the cheap cuts. Whi...
Henckels: Who's shooting who? Dmitri: That's Gustave H., the escaped murderer and art thief! I've got him cornered! M. Gustave: That's Dmitri Desgoffe und Taxis! He's responsible for the killing of Deputy Kovacs, Serge X and his club-footed sister, p...
M. Gustave: It's quite a thing, winning the loyalty of a woman like that for nineteen consecutive seasons. Zero: Um... yes, sir. M. Gustave: She's very fond of me, you know. Zero: Yes, sir. M. Gustave: I've never seen her like that before. Zero: No, ...
Serge X.: Forgive me, Monsieur Gustave, I never meant to betray you. They threatened my life and now they've murdered my only family. M. Gustave: No! Who'd they kill this time? Serge X.: My dear sister. M. Gustave: The girl with the club foot? Serge ...
Zero: Do you have an alibi? M. Gustave: Of course, but she's married to the Duke of Westphalia. I can't allow her name to get mixed up in all this monkey business. Zero: Monsieur Gustave, your life may be at stake. M. Gustave: I know! The bitch legge...
