My mom would spy by satellite, turning down the air conditioning, colder and colder, with a tapping keystroke via her wireless connection, chilling that house, that one room, meat locker cold, ski-slope cold, spending a king's ransom on Freon and ele...
Our one employee came warily out of the back. He was always skittish with me, and if Lizzy wasn't around, h made a point of keeping his distance. I think he was expecting me to make a pass at him. He was seventeen, had stringy black hair,bad skin, an...
I had a dream about you last night. We were in your old Civic. Nine Inch Nails was turned up on the stereo and I was taking pictures of you behind the wheel with my disposable camera. We went through the drive through at El Pollo Loco, placed an orde...
He struck his temples with his fists and screamed: 'Haven't you ever seen a goddam DC converter? You can get them at Radio Shack for three bucks! Are you seriously trying to tell me you couldn't have made a simple DC converter when you can make your ...
Teen #1: You guys holding? Jay: Shit, everything but coke, heroin and your cock. Teen #2: What? Teen #1: How 'bout a nickel bag, man? Jay: [singing] Oh, fifteen bucks, little man, put that shit in my hand. Nong, nong, ning-a ning-a nong nong! Teen #1...
Mr. Frank Shirley: Remember how I was toying with the idea of suspending the Christmas bonuses? Mrs. Helen Shirley: You *didn't*! Well, of all the cheap lousy ways to save a buck! SWAT Commander: That's pretty low, mister! If I had a rubber hose, I w...
Nick: You want freedom? I'll give you fucking freedom. [Takes out some handcuffs] Nick: You're going to jail, faggot. How's that for freedom? Freedom to get fucked up the ass by some big buck nigger. Give me your other hand! He's gonna be right behin...
Peter McCallister: Honey, the pizza boy need $122 dollars plus tip. Kate McCallister: For pizza? Peter McCallister: Ten pizzas times twelve bucks! Leslie McCallister: Frank, you've got money don't you? Frank McCallister: Traveler's checks. Kate McCal...
Annette: That'll be four bucks, babyface. Two for initiation fee, two for this month's dues. Robert E. Lee "Prew' Prewitt: What do I get for it? Annette: Members are entitled to all privileges of the club, which includes dancing, snack bar, soft drin...
Algren: You want me to kill Jappos, I'll kill Jappos. Colonel Bagley: I'm not asking you to kill anybody. Algren: You want me to kill THE ENEMIES of Jappos, I'll kill THE ENEMIES of Jappos... Rebs, or Sioux, or Cheyenne... For 500 bucks a month I'll ...
Noodles: I always thought you might have helped yourself to that million bucks. But now I know. Yeah, you're on your ass worse than ever. Fat Moe: But I thought it was you who... Noodles: No, you thought wrong. The suitcase was empty. Fat Moe: Then w...
President Merkin Muffley: I will not go down in history as the greatest mass-murderer since Adolf Hitler. General "Buck" Turgidson: Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned with the American People than with your image in...
General "Buck" Turgidson: If the pilot's good, see, I mean if he's reeeally sharp, he can barrel that baby in so low... oh you oughta see it sometime. It's a sight. A big plane like a '52... varrrooom! Its jet exhaust... frying chickens in the barnya...
[last lines] Cook County Assessor's Office Clerk: Can I help you? [the brothers back him up and lift him onto the counter] Jake: This is where they pay the taxes, right? Cook County Assessor's Office Clerk: Right. Elwood: This money is for the year's...
Walter Sobchak: You have got to buck up, man. You cannot drag this negative energy in to the tournament! The Dude: Fuck the tournament... Fuck YOU, Walter! [pause] Walter Sobchak: Fuck the tournament? All right, I can see you don't want to be cheered...
You see Carter, people are two things: greedy and cruel. So we have a perfect set-up here. The greed part - a kid pays a buck for a chance to win a hundred. Plus fifty boxes of chocolates. The cruel part - watching two guys hitting each other, maybe ...
A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to operate. Just go to a party, or any crowded location, place the brick on your head, and stand perfectly still until they open up lines of communication. If you talk to Egbok ...
She suggested we 'crouch' buck nekkid on the bed or a dresser and leap out at him from the shadows. Now, my husband can't see all that well in the dark. I think if he comes into a darkened bedroom and finds 140 pounds of cellulite hurtling through sp...
Finally, we entered Chetaube County, my imaginary birthplace, where the names of the little winding roads and minuscule mountain communities never failed to inspire me: Yardscrabble, Big Log, Upper, Middle and Lower Pigsty, Chicken Scratch, Cootervil...
What would it hurt for me to give that homeless guy a couple bucks? Who the hell cares if he spends it on beer? Maybe beer is a step up for him from the harder stuff that knocked him onto the streets in the first place. Maybe, just maybe, he’s actu...
Why spend ten dollars to buy one item from someone else, when I can sell you the same item for five dollars, steal it back, and then sell it to you again for five more dollars? Who would you rather buy from: some thief charging you ten bucks, or me, ...
