The thing about getting older is that you don't need everything to be possible any more, you just need things to be certain.
A brick could be used as a way to motivate yourself to succeed. I’m proof that it works. It’s how I managed to get second to last in my last race.
A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the Federal Reserve make all the money.
A brick could be used to raise your status as an upstanding citizen. Don’t get too excited, though. It’ll only raise you up about three inches.
A brick could be used to make life easier. Start carrying one around with you everywhere you go, and you’ll see what I mean.
A brick could be used to send Satan back from whence he came. But where did he come from? Probably Washington DC.
A brick could be thrown, like a football, only instead of a wide receiver, I’d recommend sending out a politician to catch your pass.
A brick could be used as brain filler for the political mind, just in case one of our elected officials needs a brain transplant to try to boost their intellectual capabilities.
A brick could be used to represent society as a whole. But to represent society as a half, I’d recommend using either a full carton of half and half, or a half-full carton of whole milk.
A brick could be used to squiggle your signature with. And while you’re in the autographing mood, why don’t you sign your name at the bottom of the lunch bill.
A brick could be used to wash your hands. And after that, I’d suggest you wash out your filthy mouth. Scrub it clean, you scatological talker you.
A brick could be used to remind me of you. Of course, so could a photograph, but how am I supposed to lob a photo through your car’s windshield?
A brick could be used like a Viking skull holds soup. If you bring a spoon, I can quench your thirst—and your hunger.
A brick and a blanket could be used to replace the words yes and no. But which is witch? You’ll have to burn me at the stake before I tell you anything.
A brick could be used like Dracula uses binoculars. I swear that pervert peeps on me every night from the tree across the street.
The wall of silence that exists between us is as long as the Great Wall of China. And though it’s the same length, our wall is about two bricks quieter.
A brick could be used in place of a parachute, and a blanket could be used as a permanent wall of a house. In both cases, the skydiver and home dweller would ideally be a politician.
If you come by my place, you might see a wheelbarrow full of broken bricks. I broke them with my fist. I was practicing for your face.
Do I mind losing? No, because losses and wins are just the bricks on the path to success. Both losing and winning are needed to find prosperity.
A brick could be used to communicate with the dead. I just spoke to Stalin, and he’s very pleased with the way America’s progressing, collectively, as a country.
A pretty building I'm making, without either bricks or timber. I'm up i' the garret a'ready, and haven't so much as dug the foundation.
