A blanket could be used for anti-population-control purposes. Get naked and get under the blanket and I’ll show you how it works.
A blanket could be used for selfish reasons. I would list those reasons, but they’re mine—all of them. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.
A blanket could be used to feed the homeless. I mean warm the coldless. I mean coldsome. I wouldn’t know, because I’m homefull.
A blanket could be used to express my condolences. I’m sorry to have to tell you I’m sorry, but that’s life, you know?
A blanket could be used to lay down the law. Lay it down over there, on top of the bed, and I’ll come over and enforce it.
A blanket could be used to water down the water. Don’t do it now! Wait until I am finished bathing.
A blanket could be used to stop the bleeding. But dammit you’re going to have to hurry, before I bleed out all over the carpet.
A blanket could be used to help frowners smile. I’m only halfway through the process myself, which is why I’m smirking.
A blanket could be used to cover my couch. Nobody should see that I constructed my sofa on the bones of my ancestors.
A blanket could be used as an American flag. It could keep the world warm with its patronizing patriotism and imperialism.
A blanket could be used to spot the blind. I’d spot Helen Keller nine points in a ten-point basketball game.
A blanket could be used to lure politicians to your side of an issue. Which is your side? Easy—the side I’m not sleeping on.
A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it, and before you know it you've got a friend for life. Say, do you want to brick swap?
Blankets could be used to represent the warmth and comfort of Libertarian ideals. And the world would be a better place, if most politicians didn’t have bricks for brains.
A brick could be used in a knee replacement surgery, to build back the wall separating man from a sub four-minute mile. Damn you, Roger Bannister!
Bricks could have been used to stop Napoleon’s army from advancing into Russia. And blankets could have been used to keep Napoleon rolling in victories.
A brick could be used like a simile, and I’d like it. But not as much as I’d like it if you used a blanket instead. But don’t use the blanket that’s on my bed, because I’m currently using it.
A brick could be God’s gift to man (and woman), and we wouldn’t even know it because we’re all obsessed with iPads, luxury cars, and of course, my body.
A brick is a barometer of love. Give it to the girl of your dreams, and see if she uses it to build a life with you, or as a high velocity projectile.
Men say they love independence in a woman, but they don't waste a second demolishing it brick by brick.
A brick could be substituted in for Rhode Island as a US state, because they’re roughly the same size, the have the same population (the brick may have one less person), and Grandma Kintz makes the best Excuse Soup in the entire state.
