Captain of Guards: What have you got? Old Woman: Well, I have a talking donkey. Captain of Guards: Really? Well, that's good for ten shillings... if you can prove it. Old Woman: Go ahead, little fella. [Donkey says nothing] Captain of Guards: Well? O...
Jesse James: [indicating Frank] My brother and me are hardly on speaking terms these days. Robert Ford: I wasn't going to mention it. Jesse James: [pulls two snakes out of a box, startling Bob] You scared? Robert Ford: Just surprised a little. Jesse ...
John Bender: What're we having? Brian Johnson: Uh, it's your standard, regular lunch I guess... [Bender reaches in the bag and pulls out a thermos. He sets it on the table and points at it] John Bender: Milk? Brian Johnson: Uh, soup. John Bender: Ah....
Hedley Lamarr: If you will just sign this, Governor. Right here. Governor William J. Le Petomane: Yes, yes. What the hell is it? Hedley Lamarr: Well, under the provisions of this bill, we would snatch two hundred thousand acres of Indian land, which ...
I found myself surrounded by really old veterans wearing hats that said, "Retired Marine - SEMPER FI." These hats didn't appear to fit on their heads, but instead seemed to hover over them. At one point, I mistakenly tried to take the last box of cra...
Youth!! Ah, what a word!! And how transitory! But, how grand! as long as it lasts. How many millions in gold would pour out for an ability to call it all back, as with our musical myth, Faust. During that magic part of a child’s growth this world i...
Why do you need that thing?" September asked. "None of the airports back home have them." "They do. You just can't see them right," Betsy Basilstalk said with a grin. "All customs agents have them, otherwise, why would people agree to stand in line a...
If I was gay, I wouldn't need an asterisk beside my name. I could stop worrying if the girl I like will bounce when she finds out I also like dick. I could have a coming-out party without people thinking I just want attention. I wouldn't have to expl...
Josh stared at Kate. She was watching the happy couple, smiling. The warm spring breeze caught her hair and ruffled it like a shining curtain in an open window. It also caught her dress, flipping up the front and giving him an eyeful of long, slender...
This poetry is utilitarian—heavy-duty, industrial strength poetry. It is meant to be read aloud and, even better, memorized and recited. It is best used in the natural world where there are starlit skies, the warmth of blazing fires, and sounds and...
From "Lady In Waiting" in the anthology The Morgue : Now I have yet to meet the corpse could hold up its end of a conversation, so at most I might whistle while fixin’ one up ‘stead of engagin’ myself in any small talk that’s goin’ to be so...
I don’t want to wake up. I can’t feel the cold of life. I can’t feel fear in my dreams. When awake we are green and red bits glowing under a machine, lights turn off and on, and people of science convince themselves they know what’s going on....
He could never know how beautiful he was in these moments, and Devin couldn't bring himself to say anything. What would he say? “I've always noticed you, but never thought I deserved someone like you?” That wasn't right. It was cheesy and over-th...
He made a good salary but he did not flaunt it. He’d been raised in Chicago proper by a Lithuanian Jewish mother who had grown up in poverty, telling stories, often, of extending a chicken to its fullest capacity, so as soon as a restaurant served ...
February 2009 January 4. January 4. January 4. I rubbed the paper on my red calendar. I cried into the little box, into the last day we had sex. I was a tornado. I puked hurricanes. I was Jodi Arias. There were no more tears for him. Swirling eddies ...
We don’t look at the sky anymore, instead we stare at boxes that keeps us captive; we don’t walk barefoot any more, we refuse to kiss the earth with our feet, we keep busy worrying and fearing, we exist and die, like robots we work and consume. W...
When you see and know that your wellspring is an Eternal Source, and not other people around you, or your past experiences, not even your life story, that is when you are able to truly give to others, without running out and without feeling empty. Be...
The truth is that she was always much more forgiving of animals than people...Her sympathy for the underdog--or the underwasp, underrat, undercat, undersnail, underbird, underspider, undermouse, undergecko, undercentipede--was limitless. In the depth...
Mr. Fox: They say all foxes are slightly allergic to linoleum, but it's cool to the paw - try it. They say my tail needs to be dry cleaned twice a month, but now it's fully detachable - see? They say our tree may never grow back, but one day, somethi...
Dr. Peter Venkman: [looking at the temporary sign on Ghostbusters HQ while a worker is hanging it up] You don't think it's too subtle, Marty, you don't think people are going to drive down and not see the sign? [hears a siren approaching and an old, ...
William Ginter Riva: Mr. Stane. Sir, we've explored what you've asked us and it seems as though there's a little hiccup. Actually, um... Obadiah Stane: A hiccup? William Ginter Riva: Yes, to power the suit... sir, the technology doesn't actually exis...
