Quotes of: Book Keyword

I’d like to make a statement, and I’d like to make it out of my own small intestines.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

If I win in the nick of time, I’ll spread my congrats evenly to every Nick in the stands. I’ll give them all one watch, because we all share time, so they can share the watch.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

He was washing his socks. But they were already clean, so I figured I’d help him and wear them for him and get them all stinky. He had a flight to catch and a tiny lasso.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I heard you calling out to me, but I almost didn’t reply because you were using another guy’s name.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I found her love in the dumpster. Well, if he threw it away, I see no reason why I can’t keep it. I’m so into her you’d think I was homeless.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

His name was Chase, so to make things interesting, I gave him a bit of a head start. Sort of like I do when pursuing a woman that I love.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I want to assure you, I’m not that kind of pervert. But don’t worry, goat lady, there’s somebody for everybody. Or anybody for nobody. Maybe I have that backwards, and upside down.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If I could change one thing about myself, I’d pick a new nose, because I’m tired of picking this one. Oh, and I’d stop treating people as if they’re flickable.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’d rather fall in molten lava than fall in love. But I suppose that’s just the romantic me.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

My ex girlfriend would say I am a bit of a romantic. Well, actually, she'd say I bit a romantic. I bit her on the bum.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Her bag is full of green apples, except for one red one. I gave her the red one, as if to say, “Stop!” Don’t stop loving me—stop and love me.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If I had a vulva, I’d let you drive it like a Volvo. It’s all about safety. You could probably park on the street, but you might get a ticket.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m a door-to-door salesman. I sell doors. If I can’t knock on yours, because you don’t have a door to knock on, I know you’ll be interested in what I’m selling.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If you replace the letter "s" with the letter "x," you can make a lot of plural words naughty. For example, "fences" would become "fencex," and I'd say good fencex makes good neighbors.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I make love like a half an hour minus 27 minutes. If you’re as bad in bed as I am in math, that’s roughly four minutes. And I do mean rough.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

For men, money, like sex, is something that nearly everybody wants more of, and unless you are famous or influential, you probably have to work hard to get any.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Shaving a sheep is considered foreplay in some countries. But I don’t consider foreplay at all, not even before sex.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

Sometimes my thoughts are too slimy for my brain, and they come shooting out of my penis. They are life-changing thoughts, so I’d recommend taking them deep inside of you.


This Book is Not FOR SALE

The word "sex" has no sex. It is androgynous and probably asexual. And even though I have sex (my sex is male), I have no sex, despite knowing willing females.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Through the fog Orafoura said, “Those people are black.” “I know,” I said, “they’ll match the lemonade.” I make love like an Arnold Palmer, but not like Arnold Palmer.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I don’t like sleeping, but I do like watching the inside of my eyelids. That’s how I drive, and that’s how I make love. Honk when you’re finished.

This Book is Not FOR SALE