Quotes of: Book Keyword

I moved my hand in and out of the shadow and pondered life and death. Then I put on my lipstick, pulled up my pants, and got back to work.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Of all the ways to murder someone, slowly, over the course of about 75 years or so, is the best way to not get caught. Nobody, not even Sherlock Holmes, would suspect a thing.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I want to end my life by eating so much Viagra that I go out like that movie and Die Hard. If you want to watch, I just made popcorn.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My heart beats to the rhythm of the windshield wipers. I’d better never drive in the desert, unless I want to die. Our relationship has one too many cactuses in it to be deserving of my love.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Sure, I’d fake my own death. But only if I had the following items: duct tape, seven slinkies, a parachute, and a mannequin that looked like me.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

He seemed to swallow the lie I fed him. I hope he’s not still hungry. If he is, I’ll give him the illusory dessert known as the American Dream.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Night—it’s the only thing that will cover up one of my black moods. Good thing my depression isn’t an every day kind of thing. It’s an after day thing.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m sure you could win with a design that I’d cast off as trash. Such is the curious case of the annual Garbage Festival. Plus, I’m just that good. Or am I that bad?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

In real life I was alone, but in my dream I was in a crowd, and that’s why I farted. But being the gentleman that I am, I blamed it on your dad.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

It’s just a dream, I told myself. I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I make love with my eyes closed, because I make love in my dreams. If you wanted to go for seconds, we could, because I make love buffet style.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My hush is lush. It’s drunk on its own greenness, just as I’m drunk on my blue silence. What would you say if I asked you to turquoise?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

When she’s cuddled close, I feel there’s nothing I can’t do, and I can’t do nothing about it, because my heart is her heart for as long as she wants it.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Her love is a green rose in a fit of red jealousy. Contrast that to my love, which has no contrast, and is a red rose full of red envy for the object of her jealousy.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

It must be awful to be on a team with a superstar, someone much better than everyone else. At least that’s how my teammates must feel about me. But who cares? They’re just my clones.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m looking for lost, but I don’t think I’ll ever find it, because the moment I do find it, it isn’t. Still, I’ll bet I find it before I find love.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Throw a pair of Band-Aids over your eyelids, and open your eyes to your wounds.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

You get used to success and you start to expect it—and that’s when you fail. Luckily for me, I can’t possibly fail, precisely because I always fail.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The best thing my grandpa ever said to me was, “Gladys, bring me some more damn soup.” Well, maybe he wasn’t talking to me, but it was still good to hear he was a romantic.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Maybe I will buy my nephew an aquarium for his next birthday. It’s got to be better than the bathroom sink, which is where my brother is keeping him now.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I don’t have any original facial expressions. Everything I have I inherited from my parents. Someday I’ll show you my “You’re adopted” smile.

This Book is Not FOR SALE