Quotes of: Book Keyword

Maybe this is why we read, and why in moments of darkness we return to books: to find words for what we already know.

A Reading Diary: A Passionate Reader's Reflections on a Year of Books

These people,” he had said with his inscrutable smile, “are different from us. They don’t care about books and such things.

The Republic of Imagination: America in Three Books

I am eternally grateful for my knack of finding in great books, some of them very funny books, reason enough to feel honored to be alive, no matter what else might be going on.

Timequake

Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. 


This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

As a balloon expands, so too does my love for you with each passing day. To know how I truly feel about you, look no further than the balloon giraffe.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I keep a fish in each pocket, and one in my left shoe, so I don’t drown in your love.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

A tailor walks into a lawyer, and the bar says, "I like your suit." And the tailor replies, "This morning I spotted a non-sequitur detective. Don't worry, he didn't follow me.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I drank so much booze I was bamboozled. Alcohol makes my mind as discombobulated as love makes my heart. I’d sure appreciate it if you poured me a large glass of romance.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

He was a man I came to respect. Not because he wore Ziploc bags for socks (he had sweaty feet), but because he also kept his sandwiches warming there while he walked.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’d rate myself five stars, and those stars would all be fish. My review was of how well I walked on the beach.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I water my driveway, and I drive a hard bargain to work (it gets great gas mileage).

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

When she told me to sit down, I didn’t know where I stood with her. Ah, love—it’s like a chair. It’s always sitting, yet standing on its legs.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Two guys, a man and a beast, were walking underwater, when two goats began fishing for political votes. That’s when I fell in love, when I saw how serious it all was.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I just got a new windshield. Slowly I’m going to replace my way to a new car. I make love the same way, methodically and over the course of several months.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If I had a last name for a first name, a first name for a last name, and a middle name to wear as a safety harness, I think I’d be much better equipped to mow the snow.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Love is a trumpet, Donald Trump’s hair, and a turnip all turned up and facing west. Sorry, east. I am looking in a mirror, so it’s all reversed.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I wish I listened through my urethra, because imagine how euphoric and orgasmic music would be. One love song might get you pregnant.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I buy my clothes large, so I feel comfortable gaining weight. When I love, I do it in two sizes—extra large, and refill.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I make love in the rain, alone, under an umbrella, because people in phone booths cannot be trusted. I hang my clothes up like I hang up a phone—long distance.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

At my bachelor party I had Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” play on repeat, while I enjoyed the spectacle of a midget stripper dressed like jet fuel (Rocket Man).

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I think they should combine the Summer and Winter Olympics and call it the Fall Olympics. They could host it in the spring, when all the lovers will flock to see me preform live for the chance to win their affection.

This Book is Not FOR SALE