The old me is younger than the new me, the me now.
Age is just a number. So is my area code.
As an atheist hates Christmas, I hate the fourth of July.
I found a body today. It was mine, so I played with it.
Here’s a list in no particular order: chaos, confusion, and disorganization.
I want to have negative three kids. Or three negative kids.
If I were as tall as the day is night, I’d be a midget.
If you have to dig to find yourself, you are probably dead.
I don’t eat Sloppy Joes. I eat Tidy Josephs.
I ate a pound cake today, but I gained two.
Bring on hyperinflation! I want to be a millionaire with minimal work.
I made friends with the future. But I’m still friends with the past.
In high school I attended a magnet school—for refrigerators.
I am illiterate. Just not in English.
Algebra is numbers forgetting why they’re letters.
Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.
Who was where when has no impact on where you are now.
My name is Couch Choochoo, and I’m here to train you.
I’ve been to 8 Mile. I condensed a half marathon into it.
If I were a number, I’d want to have sextillion with you.
What I’m doing is not doing anything, and I’m doing a half-ass job.
