Quotes of: Book-tour Keyword

My date couldn’t make it to dinner, because at the last minute I backed down from asking her.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

6 pm isn’t closer to noon than 6 am in reality, but mentally the difference is like night and day.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Suicide pact: I’ll shoot you, and then you’ll shoot me.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I plan on putting off death my whole life.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

If I got a new heart with a heart transplant, I’d be forever grateful. Or at least grateful for the next 50 years or so.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

When I need to be in two places at once, make two decisions at once, that’s what clones are for.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The escalator doesn’t work, and you’d think they’d still be used as stairs, but in this economic depression, even the stairs are unemployed.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

In a good economy, people work hard to succeed. In a bad economy, people work hard to not fail.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I asked her to wear something revealing, so she showed up in a prophet's toga.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The right people came along with the right tools (eyelids), and it was goodnight, war. Peace felt like such a dream, probably because it was.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Learn how to read by taking small sips first. Drink my watery literary nipples.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

No matter how great you are, you could always be greater. Let this be a lesson in the need to lessen the size of your ego.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If you need me I’ll be sitting over there, on the ground, next to the empty chair. The emptiness always reminds me of your love.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

What is it about money that makes people kill for it? I’ll have to think about that next time I do it.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

You can't be extinct if people aren't even aware you ever existed. I should know, because I don't know.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

There are going to be a lot of eyes on this year's annual Blindfold Convention. People always want to watch what they can’t watch.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My uncle's a big drinker. In fact, he just got a liver transplant. They replaced it with a bottle of whiskey.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I wanted “300” to be less about fighting, and more about bowling. At least they could have had the Spartans wear bowling shoes.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’d rather be the fastest runner than the best fighter. But then I am a supreme coward.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My rules are as follows: don’t follow, unless there’s a fire. And in that case, follow from the front.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If two heads are better than one, then what about double chins? On that note, I will help myself to seconds.

This Book is Not FOR SALE