A brick could be used to tell the world’s largest Yes what you really want to tell it, which is no. Tell that Yes no now, and use a brick to help you do it.
A brick could be used to make it harder for people to achieve their dreams. A brick is just another obstacle they have to overcome if they are going to achieve their goals.
A brick could be used like yellow sneezes hello every time love walks like a slinky down the stairs. Who used my shoe as a soup bowl?
A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid, wait up a second!
A brick could be used to sell war to the peacemongers. The trick is to sell war cheap, because the real profit is in the renewals and extending the service as long as possible.
A brick could be used to trick a snake into leaving your pet mouse alone. That way you’re free to use the mouse as you want to, you pervert.
A brick could be used to help you write the book you’ve always wanted to write. That is, if you wanted to write a book on masonry with a target market of two—your parents.
A brick could be used to stop a tornado, unlike a mobile home, which only acts like a tornado magnet and seems to increase its power.
A brick could be used as a sex toy. Well, I say sex toy, but the politician strapped to the bed would probably say torture device.
A brick could be used to prop up a wobbly table—or an unstable relationship. I wish I’d have thought of that before I got divorced.
A brick could be used to stop people from reading my book. Just place the brick on the book’s cover, to discourage people from opening it up.
A brick could be used to flavor your bathtub water, and raise the fluid level, so you perceive that you have more to drink.
A brick could be used to test how fast you throw a baseball, if, you know, baseballs were cube-shaped and integral to the construction of houses.
A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as a means to build the future.
A brick could be used to win the love of a beautiful girl. The trick to getting it to work is just trying it again and again until you get the desired results.
A brick could be used to encourage trees to grow fruitful things like money. If money grew on trees, then I’d get drunk on that fermentation.
A haunted house could be used like a Band-Aid to stop a bleeding brick. But why stop the bleeding? Stab it a few more times and then sell tickets to the spectacle.
A blanket could be used to store valuable information that will keep future generations warm overnight. And just so you know, it wasn’t me that farted in the blanket. That’s a bit too much information, don’t you think?
A blanket could be used to put the war in warm. Just paint the blanket like an American flag, and then try to convince the world that they are cold and need us to stop shivering. But before you do, consider they aren’t shivering from cold—they ar...
A blanket could be used to keep me from exploding. My patience is wearing thin, and my clothes are also wearing thin, and in some spots you can see through the material, so a blanket would hold all that back.
The white noise from the old Walkman enveloped them both; like a blanket of new snow, it draped itself over them, shutting out all the curious looks. And the world under the blanket was - surprisingly, wonderfully - absolutely, quiet.
