A brick could be used to cool your drink, like a large ice cube.
A blanket could be shared with someone cold. And if you’re sharing your blanket, they might as well share the blame in getting pregnant. It’s not like they can blame me, because I was in the closet, filming.
A blanket could be used to sell two-legged tables to one-legged men. This very same blanket could also teach them some Latin—specifically the phrase “Caveat Emptor.”
A brick could be used as a floating object that dispensed fresh water, if only it were lighter and shaped like a cloud.
A brick could be used as an idol you can worship. But be careful, lest God smite thee with His wrath.
A brick could be used as a middle name. But who’d be dumb enough to do that, when it would clearly make a better first name?
A brick could be used as man’s best friend, if you covered it in fur and taught it to bark and shit in your neighbor’s yard.
Bricks could be used to line the pockets of the politicians, the way the people’s money once was, as we drop them off to search for Atlantis.
Blankets could be used to identify liars and thieves, if lawmakers passed laws stating that lawmakers were required by law to wear blankets out in public.
I love Jonathan Adler but more importantly I love throws. To clarify, a throw is not to be confused with a blanket. A blanket is to be slept under, a throw is to accent a chair or sofa and give the illusion that in some scenario someone might rest un...
A woman is like a blanket: If you cover yourself with it, it bothers you; if you throw it aside you will feel the cold.
A blanket could be used as a lovely rug, a rug that just so happens to be covering a large hole, you should really feel this rug!
A brick could be used to block a mouse hole. But something better that would not only block the hole physically, but also psychologically, would be to stuff a dead rat in the hole.
A brick has ten holes in two rows lining the center—perfect so that you and nine of your friends can each stick your little dicks in the brick after a few beers.
A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football games more fun. But I’m calling it right now: I get to be quarterback.
I could inject a brick in each of my butt cheeks and then be like ancient Greece: a ruin. Only, I’d ask my gay dance partner, “R u in?”
A brick could be put on the end of a scale, to determine if the other end of the scale holds a lie or the truth. (Hint: The truth is much heavier than a brick.)
A brick represents my rationality, and a blanket represents my emotions. It’s robot versus mannequin, and to get a sense of who I am as a person, you need some mortar and a pillow.
A brick has no legs, so it probably slithers like a snake. Therefore, a brick might make a good pet. And at least you wouldn’t have to walk it.
A brick could be used to keep yourself warm, and a blanket could be used in the construction of a house. But just like wearing your boxers on the outside of your pants, if you reverse them you get further in society.
A brick makes an excellent window cleaner, if you throw it hard enough. Before you know it, your window will look so clean you’d think it had been replaced with a new one.
