A blanket could be used to say hello to all the goodbyes I’ll never see again. Keep it wrapped tight, because every bye should be covered in darkness.
A blanket could be used to make all your dreams come true. Well, not all of them. Just the ones that are happening while you are sleeping.
A blanket could be used to cover up Jude McNude. But despite his last name, he isn’t nude, merely cold. No, I’m the naked one.
A blanket could be used as a makeshift trampoline, to attract midgets to your picnic. The great thing about dining with dwarves, is since they are little people, they eat very little.
People love to love, but I love to sleep, and that is why cats are closer to God than bricks are to blankets. –Cap’n Kintz
A blanket could be used to aid a sinner’s nightly prayer. I’m not shaking because I’m cold—I’m trembling with trepidation over the Wrath of God.
A blanket could be used to cure the common cold. I mean, come on it’s just common sense. A blanket is warm, and if a cold is what it’s named, then a blanket would transform a cold into some nameless nonentity. Take that, Louis Pasteur.
Blankets could be used to keep politicians warm, when we kick them all to the street. They’ll be warm, but they’ll be bruised, because we’ll continue kicking them after they’re in the street.
A blanket could be used to represent a thing. Now this thing is curious, because it represents an idea. This idea is called sleep, and as far as ideathings go, it’s about as relaxing as it gets. Ideas within sleep are called dreams, and they are li...
A brick and a blanket could be used as characters in a story full of clever dialogue, such as: Brick: I checked everywhere, and it’s not where I last left it. Did you touch my penis sandwich? Blanket: What? Eww no, why would I touch your peni...
Beware, the enemy lies under your blanket.
Stretch your foot to the length of your blanket.
A blanket could be used to wrap up a case.
I built my marriage brick by brick. And I destroyed it blanket by blanket.
A blanket would be a great surface to print my new book on, so you could read it in bed while you’re having boring, obligatory sex with your spouse, who’s as dry and exciting as a sack of flour.
A blanket, coupled with an impressive erection, could serve as a suitable replacement for a lost tent at next year’s “Bring your son to work night” at NAMBLA’s manufacturing plant. What does NAMBLA make? NAMBLA makes me sick.
A blanket could be used to swallow up the nightmares you used to have as a kid. Whatever happened to those bad dreams? I’ll bet your mom gave them to Good Will.
A blanket could be used to crack the code of love. What is it, where do I find it, and how much do I charge people to buy it once I do find a reliable source?
A blanket could be used to tell you I love you. You know I do. And I’m not just saying that because I’m shivering.
A blanket could be used to protect your heart from heartbreak. Keep your heart warm, because if your heart grows as cold as ice, it’s much more likely to shatter.
A blanket could be used to stop a train. Another good thing to use would be brakes. I’ll sell you a set of train breaks for the price of a warm night’s sleep.
