A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using something a little firmer, like a brick.
A blanket could be used to cover my couch. Nobody should see that I constructed my sofa on the bones of my ancestors.
A blanket could be used as an American flag. It could keep the world warm with its patronizing patriotism and imperialism.
A brick and blanket could be used to turn my words around like backwards high heels on my tongue .
A blanket could be used to spot the blind. I’d spot Helen Keller nine points in a ten-point basketball game.
A blanket could be used to lure politicians to your side of an issue. Which is your side? Easy—the side I’m not sleeping on.
Blankets could be used to represent the warmth and comfort of Libertarian ideals. And the world would be a better place, if most politicians didn’t have bricks for brains.
Blankets could be employed to keep the people standing in the unemployment line warm. Well, they could be, if the people weren’t already hot with rage at the ineptitude and greed of the political class.
Bricks could have been used to stop Napoleon’s army from advancing into Russia. And blankets could have been used to keep Napoleon rolling in victories.
A fat wife is like a blanket in winter.
A brick and a blanket aptly describe my former roommate. He was as dumb as a brick, and only highly functional on a bed. Or so I heard—not that I’d know from personal experience.
A blanket could be split in two—divided in half, like hereditary territory one inherits. And once you’ve got half the blanket, you’d better stay on your side of the bed—or else I’m going to tell dad.
A brick could be used to stop a bleeding wound. Though just between you and me, I’d prefer to be bandaged by a Band-Aid, a blanket, or a pair of lace panties (preferably red).
A brick could be used to sell a blanket, in a buy one get one free situation. It doesn’t matter if it’s rubble, if it’s free people want it.
A blanket could be used to stop abuse. Don’t cover up the atrocity—cover up your head, because what you don’t see, may as well not exist.
A blanket could be used to aid a waiter with bringing out a large order of beer. Those customers can drape themselves in soggy drunkenness.
A blanket could be used to sell your winningest product to your loserest customer. Oh, loserest is a word. I know, because I just wrote it.
A blanket could be used to attract a potential mate. I’ve already got my mate. I bought her in a mannequin store (she was on sale).
A blanket could be used to tell you exactly what I mean, at precisely the moment I don’t mean it. When I say go, Don’t!
A blanket could be used to sell ice cream to streakers. Well, it could, if those naked runners didn’t leave their wallets in their pants.
A blanket could be used to help acclimate your body for your after death experience. Hell is hot, so you’d better warm up first.
