Edmond: We are kings or pawns, a man once said. Luigi: Who told you this? Edmond: Napolean Bonaparte. Luigi: Bonaparte? [laughs] Luigi: Oh, Zatarra, the stories you tell.
[after telling an obviously made-up story of how he created the Little Tramp characters] George Hayden: That's bullshit, and you know it. Charlie Chaplin: But the truth is so boring, George!
Ralphie: I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle! Mrs. Parker: No, you'll shoot your eye out.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] The old man stood there, quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was... The Old Man: Naddafinga!
Mr. Parker: What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse? Mother: Ah... Victor! His name is Victor. Mr. Parker: How the hell did you know that? Mother: Everybody knows that!
Mother: Randy? What's wrong? Whatcha cryin' for? Randy: Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie! Mother: No he's not... Randy: Yes he is! Mother: No, I promise, Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie!
Boy in School: [Firemen come to pull Flick off pole] Holy cow, it's the fire department! Ralphie: Oh no... Boy in School: [policemen come] Wow, it's the cops!
Ralphie: [Giving his teacher a fruit basket instead of just an apple] I thought you might like something different. Ralphie as Adult: Yes, clearly, a little bribe never hurts.
Mom: [Playing Santa] And this is for daddy... [Picks up a gift-wrapped bowling ball and drops it in The Old Man's Lap] Mom: Here, from me to you. The Old Man: [high-pitched] Thanks a lot!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] There has never been a kid who didn't believe vaguely but incessantly that he would be stricken blind before he reached 21, and then they'd be sorry.
Ralphie as Adult: C+? Oh no, it CAN'T be! Ralphie: C+? Miss Shields: [in Ralphie's fantasy, dressed as the Wicked Witch] C+! C+! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ray Kinsella: My name's Ray Kinsella. You used my father's name in one of your stories: John Kinsella. Terence Mann: You're seeing a whole team of psychiatrists, aren't you?
Mrs. Fox: This story's too predictable. Mr. Fox: Predictable? Really? Then, how does it end? Mrs. Fox: In the end, we all die. Unless you change.
[first title card] Title Card: This is a true story. Although the characters are composites of real men, and time and place have been compressed, every detail of the escape is the way it really happened.
Indiana Jones: We're in trouble! Willie: Trouble? What kind of trouble? Indiana Jones: It's a long story. Better hurry up or you won't get to hear it.
[last lines] Lowell Bergman: What do I tell the my source for the next tough story, huh? 'Hang in with us, you'll be ok maybe'? No. What got broken here doesn't go back together.
Jeffrey Wigand: How did a radical journalist from Ramparts Magazine end up at CBS? Lowell Bergman: I still do the tough stories. 60 Minutes reaches a lot of people.
Jimmy: [after Dave has told him a story about a boy being molested filled with inconsistency] One more time... about the boy, and I will cut you the fuck open!
Ransom Stoddard: You're not going to use the story, Mr. Scott? Maxwell Scott: No, sir. This is the West, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.
Bastian's Father: Good morning, Bastian. Bastian: [trying to get the lid off of a jar] Morning, Dad. I had another dream, Dad, about Mom.
C. K. Dexter Haven: You'll never be a first class human being or a first class woman until you've learned to have some regard for human frailty.
