Billy covered his head with his blanket. He always covered his head when his mother came to see him in the mental ward - always got much sicker until she went away. It wasn’t that she was ugly, or had bad breath or a bad personality. She was a perf...
New Rule: America has every right ot bitch about gas prices suddenly shooting up. How could we have known? Oh, wait, there was that teensy, tiny thing about being warned constantly over the last forty years but still creating more urban sprawl, faili...
New Rule: If you can force a woman to look at a sonogram—to see what will happen if she has an abortion—you also have to let her see a crying baby, a bratty five-year-old, and a surly teenager to see what will happen if she doesn’t. And you hav...
New Rule: You're never going to pick up women at a coffee shop pretending to be working on your laptop. You don't look like you're sensitive, you look like you're homeless.The last guy to pick up a chick with an Apple was Adam. And when you sit acros...
New Rule: You can't force the ATM to do something it doesn't want to do. Excuse me, lady in front of me at the Citibank ATM, but you've been standing there punching buttons for ten minutes--what are you trying to do, write a novel on it? You hear tho...
There’s the feisty bitch I know and love. Now come on, it’s time to show Jai and his prick of a dad who the head poncho is around here.” She said giggling, as I slowly let her go and took a step back. “Head poncho, don’t you mean…?” I s...
What a luxury a cat is, the moments of shocking and startling pleasure in a day, the feel of the beast, the soft sleekness under your palm, the warmth when you wake on a cold night, the grace and charm even in a quite ordinary workaday puss. Cat walk...
There should be more or less of a jumble in your head or on your note paper after the first time and even after the second. Much that you will think of in connection will come to nothing and be wasted. But some of it ought to go together under one id...
'My problem was comparatively simple,' Marcus said. 'One kiss was enough to solve it. But that doesn't mean one kiss is enough to wake everyone up and end every nightmare. [...] That's okay,' Marcus whispered to him. 'One kiss doesn't need to be enou...
Words are harsh mistresses, to be sure. Like petulant divas, they want only those parts that play to their talents and mask their blemishes, and only when complete companies of players who love their parts are assembled will they sing in harmony. I a...
People say I talk slowly. I talk in a way sometimes called laconic. The phone rings, I answer, and people ask if they’ve woken me up. I lose my way in the middle of sentences, leaving people hanging for minutes. I have no control over it. I’ll be...
[last lines] Bettina Peterson: You look lost. Chuck Noland: I do? Bettina Peterson: Where're you headed? Chuck Noland: Well, I was just about to figure that out. Bettina Peterson: Well, that's 83 South. And this road here will hook you up with I-40 E...
Lord Victor Quartermaine: I know your little secret, Pesto. I know exactly what's going on. Wallace: Your Lordship... Lord Victor Quartermaine: Oh, yes. You think you can pilfer my filly, don't you? You think you can con an innocent woman out of her ...
[from TV spot] Jillian: Gru! It's Jillian! Gru: [whispers; to Agnes] Tell Jillian I'm not here. Agnes: Gru's not here! Jillian: Are you sure? Agnes: Yes, he just told me. Jillian: [laughs] Agnes, where is Gru? [Gru zips his lip] Agnes: He's... puttin...
Donna: You killed my... my... Rocco: Your what? Donna: My... Rocco: Your fuckin' what? Huh? Your what, bitch? Rocco: [puts gun to his own head] I'll shoot myself in the head, you can tell me that cat's name! Go ahead! Your what? Your precious, little...
When all around you are losing their heads, use Cosmic Ordering.
You're all incredibly thoughtful souls who keep my head attached to my body.
Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains.
The queen smiled as she lay her head upon the pillow.
Victory settles a lot of arguments in most men's heads.
Have you children, Mr Brandstetter?" He shook his head. "I was one once. Does it help?
