[at CMC West Coast 2011, on 1 Samuel 14] If just a few of you would step up and be like Jonathan ... as you step out in faith, you know what's going to happen? There'll be people like Saul who'll say, "God's doing something through that guy, God's do...
I was one of the hardest-hitting conservatives on George W. Bush. Republicans didn't like me on George W. Bush. Republicans still don't like me on many things. If any Republican thinks I've been hard on Mitt Romney or Newt Gingrich or any of these gu...
You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of thin...
I think that, people are people. That's why the way I treat the lady working in the deli who slices my ham is the same way I treat my friend who drives a Chrysler. That's why the way I treat the guy who packs my groceries is the same way I treat my r...
Justin, honey, you were my very first kiss. My very first hand to hold. But you were nothing more than an average guy. And I don't say that to be mean- I don't. There was just something about you that made me need to be your girlfriend to this day I ...
just because I'm a guy it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a human being and it doesn't mean that I don't have feelings because I do, all men do and we can hurt, bleed, cry, and feel pain just as fast and just as much as any woman can and as fo...
I think I really thought I was a boy until I was ten years old because my parents divorced when I was born, and so my three brothers were almost like my fathers growing up. So they taught me how to ride a bike and all that stuff. I really was just ki...
I do this a lot with names. I'll start with a name, and then for some reason he won't talk much, or he's older than I pictured him just because of a name I give him. So then I finally get the right name, and I can't shut the guy up. This always happe...
There's been times where I sold the place out, and I walked in and the guy's like, 'Uh, ID?' 'No, you can't ID me, man. I just sold this place out.' People are just doing their jobs, but I think if you're working the door at a venue where there's a h...
I'm naturally shy, so the social media thing is new to me. I haven't really figured out how my voice sounds on social media, you know? I don't want to tweet everyday just for the sake of tweeting. I want to make sure whatever I do there is honest. So...
The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, b...
Sillman looked at his interrogator with hopeless eyes. 'I think while I was passed out, I dreamed about my mom's gingerbread cookies. Maybe the guy who knocked on the glass was eatin' one.' 'Mm,' said Peace-not-War. 'Well. That's helpful. We'll put a...
Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, which was just to...wait. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a ...
I really am opinionated, but not for long. I have found myself coming off of what I think of something because the guy I'm talking to makes better sense than I am. I have so many points of view, I can't keep track of 'em, because I talk to too many p...
Lennie Pike: [after Smiler Grogan literally kicks the bucket] That guy's dead. You better believe it. Benjy Benjamin: Oh, I believe it all right, but if he jumps up again like he did before, I'm gonna get the hell out of here.
Mac MacGuff: Whats that thing? Vanessa Loring: It's a Pilates machine. Mac MacGuff: What do you make with it? Vanessa Loring: Oh you don't make anything with it, its for exercise. Mac MacGuff: Oh. My wife ordered one of those Tony Little Gazelles off...
Young John Reilly: Hey, uh, Father. How long did it take him? You know, paintin' the ceiling and all? Father Bobby: Took him about nine years. Young John Reilly: Nine years? Father Bobby: That's right. Young John Reilly: [laugh] For a ceiling? I had ...
I got my story, my dream, from America. The hero I had is Forrest Gump... I like that guy. I've been watching that movie about 10 times. Every time I get frustrated, I watch the movie. I watched the movie before I came here again to New York. I watch...
Writing a book is a long and difficult process for me. I'm a slow writer, so I spend the year with Elvis Cole and Joe Pike in my head. I was thinking about this the other day. I wrote the first book in 1987. Literally every day since that time, Elvis...
Teen #1: You guys holding? Jay: Shit, everything but coke, heroin and your cock. Teen #2: What? Teen #1: How 'bout a nickel bag, man? Jay: [singing] Oh, fifteen bucks, little man, put that shit in my hand. Nong, nong, ning-a ning-a nong nong! Teen #1...
Vinny Forlano: He won't talk. Stone is a good kid. Stand-up guy, just like his old man. That's the way I see it. Vincent Borelli: I agree. He's solid. A fuckin' Marine. Americo Capelli: He's okay. He always was. Remo, what do you think? Remo Gaggi: L...
