A brick could be used to help you write the book you’ve always wanted to write. That is, if you wanted to write a book on masonry with a target market of two—your parents.
A blanket could be used to sell ice cream to streakers. Well, it could, if those naked runners didn’t leave their wallets in their pants.
A brick could be used to stop a tornado, unlike a mobile home, which only acts like a tornado magnet and seems to increase its power.
A blanket could be used to help acclimate your body for your after death experience. Hell is hot, so you’d better warm up first.
A blanket could be used to say hello to all the goodbyes I’ll never see again. Keep it wrapped tight, because every bye should be covered in darkness.
A brick could be used as a sex toy. Well, I say sex toy, but the politician strapped to the bed would probably say torture device.
A brick could be used to prop up a wobbly table—or an unstable relationship. I wish I’d have thought of that before I got divorced.
A blanket could be used to make all your dreams come true. Well, not all of them. Just the ones that are happening while you are sleeping.
A blanket could be used to cover up Jude McNude. But despite his last name, he isn’t nude, merely cold. No, I’m the naked one.
A blanket could be used as a makeshift trampoline, to attract midgets to your picnic. The great thing about dining with dwarves, is since they are little people, they eat very little.
People love to love, but I love to sleep, and that is why cats are closer to God than bricks are to blankets. –Cap’n Kintz
A brick could be used to stop people from reading my book. Just place the brick on the book’s cover, to discourage people from opening it up.
A blanket could be used to distribute ice cream to dyslexics. Blankets are cold and ice cream needs to be kept warm, right?
A brick could be used to flavor your bathtub water, and raise the fluid level, so you perceive that you have more to drink.
A brick could be used to test how fast you throw a baseball, if, you know, baseballs were cube-shaped and integral to the construction of houses.
A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as a means to build the future.
A blanket could be used to aid a sinner’s nightly prayer. I’m not shaking because I’m cold—I’m trembling with trepidation over the Wrath of God.
A brick could be used to win the love of a beautiful girl. The trick to getting it to work is just trying it again and again until you get the desired results.
A brick could be used to encourage trees to grow fruitful things like money. If money grew on trees, then I’d get drunk on that fermentation.
A haunted house could be used like a Band-Aid to stop a bleeding brick. But why stop the bleeding? Stab it a few more times and then sell tickets to the spectacle.
If it were customary to send little girls to school and teach them the same subjects as are taught to boys, they would learn just as fully and would understand the subtleties of all arts and sciences.
