True freedom is an empty cup, because it can be filled with anything. Freedom sounds great, until someone hands it to you, and then it just makes you thirsty.
Eddie Money and Johnny Cash should have collaborated. I’d have paid good last name to see them in concert.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his urethra. If you hurry, you can make it to mine in under 15 dollars. I mean minutes.
What if those weren’t ear hairs, but cockroach antennas, and that’s why your grandpa loves listening to political rhetoric so much?
I didn’t buy the wart remover, because I didn’t want my wart removed—just relocated, to Washington DC, with the rest of the warts in this country.
I wonder if when a politician dies, he gets reincarnated as a higher life form, like a cockroach. Well, maybe not that high up the dignity chain.
A six-fingered man went to give me a high-five, and I got confused, so I left him hanging. By a noose.
Yesterday I bought myself a karate trophy. But I feel like I won it, because the salesman really beat me up over the price.
Forget cloning. I can make people. It’s called sex, and it’s more fun than science.
The sky smashed into my face, but I didn’t say anything, because aside from a warm breeze, I didn’t feel anything.
I couldn't decide whether to take a nap or not, so I did what I always do when thinking over a decision—I slept on it.
I have a hidden talent. I hid it in the dungeon. Why don’t you go down there and have a look at it? I’ll lock up after you.
When she walked out of my life, I raced after her. I was scrambling like scrambled eggs that were runny.
There is no shortcut to confidence building; it is a process that involves succeeding at something challenging. One needs to consciously work on every aspect of confidence building whether for one's own benefit or the benefit of others.
All white people in the United States have benefited from a white supremacy. But does that mean that a white person should be viewed badly because they turn against a white supremacist policy? Just because you've benefited from something shouldn't di...
To fix Social Security, we should first stop using the Consumer Price Index to adjust benefits for inflation. Using the C.P.I. overstates the impact of inflation and has also led to larger increases in benefits for Social Security recipients than the...
I said the export benefit should go to all the farmers in the country through the mills spread across the country, in states like Uttar Pradesh, Madhya Pradesh and West Bengal. Now what happens? This benefit goes to those mills or export houses in Mu...
One state retiree, 49 years old, paid, over the course of his entire career, a total of $124,000 towards his retirement pension and health benefits. What will we pay him? $3.3 million in pension payments over his life and nearly $500,000 for health c...
The United States has an active pharmaceutical industry that has brought huge benefits to the U.S. public. Most Americans, who benefit from these advances, have little understanding of how difficult it is to create an important new medical therapy an...
I don't think there is anything wrong in earning money from the sport you love. If you work hard and get benefits from it, there is no harm. The day you feel that you are not working hard and are only looking at the benefits, that's where the problem...
Hooking up with people who do not care about your happiness or you; is a serious and big decision. If you do decide to hook up, you must have a good reason for it just as you would to have a relationship.
