If you try to be funny, you're not being funny.
Nothingness not being nothing, nothingness being emptiness.
Being honest with the public is how they respect you.
I went from being the Terminator to being the governator.
When the weather's nice, my parents go out quite frequently and stick a bunch of flowers on old Allie's grave. I went with them a couple of times, but I cut it out. In the first place, I don't enjoy seeing him in that crazy cemetery. Surrounded by de...
My dad: “Emily, this risotto…” My mom: “It’s just delicious.” Gus’s mom: “Oh, thanks. I’d be happy to give you the recipe.” Gus, swallowing a bite: “You know, this primary taste I’m getting is not-Oranjee.” Me: “Good obser...
He had heard about talking to plants in the early seventies, on Radio Four, and thought it was an excellent idea. Although talking is perhaps the wrong word for what Crowley did. What he did was put the fear of God into them. More precisely, the fear...
Along with the standard computer warranty agreement which said that if the machine 1) didn't work, 2) didn't do what the expensive advertisements said, 3) electrocuted the immediate neighborhood, 4) and in fact failed entirely to be inside the expens...
Joshua's ministry was three years of preaching, sometimes three times a day, and although there were some high and low points, I could never remember the sermons word for word, but here's the gist of almost every sermon I ever heard Joshua give. You ...
Olga was nice, Olga was nice and loving, Olga loved him, he repeated to himself with a growing sadness as he also realised that nothing would ever happen between them again, life sometimes offers you a chance he thought, but when you are too cowardly...
The museums in children’s minds, I think, automatically empty themselves in times of utmost horror—to protect the children from eternal grief. For my own part, though: It would have been catastrophe if I had forgotten my sister at once. I had nev...
Did you know that for pretty much the entire history of human species, the average life span was less than thirty years? You could count on ten years or so of real adulthood, right? There was no planning for retirement. There was no planning for a ca...
Some actors wear their roles like clothing," he said. "No matter what part they're playing, you can always easily see who it is beneath the costume." "It's how drag queens do women, darling," volunteered the elegant Miss X. [...] "The really amazing ...
The filling of the Holy Spirit brings a sharp separation between the believer and the world. Actually, after Pentecost, they were looking at another world. They really saw another world. Nowadays, we perceive that even a large part of evangelical Chr...
Mother Sister: Hey, you old drunk, what did I tell you about drinking in front of my stoop? Move on; you're blocking my view. You are ugly enough; don't stare at me. The evil eye doesn't work on me. Da Mayor: Mother Sister, you've been talkin' about ...
The Wolf: Jimmie, lead the way. Boys, get to work. Vincent: A please would be nice. The Wolf: Come again? Vincent: I said a please would be nice. The Wolf: Get it straight buster - I'm not here to say please, I'm here to tell you what to do and if se...
Lotso: Ken? New toys! Ken: Far out! Down in a jiff, Lotso. [goes down the elevator] Ken: So, who's ready for Ken's dream tour? Lotso: Let's show our new friends where they'll be staying! Ken: Uh, folks, if you'll just want to step right this way... [...
Billy Brown: I don't believe them! Layla: No, Billy it's good... you know it's good if they like me, then they will be proud of you. Billy Brown: Bullshit... my life is shit. Layla: If you were my son,i-iii would be really proud of you. Billy Brown: ...
Harry: [about Ray] So he's having a really nice time? Ken: Well, I'm having a really nice time. I'm not sure it's really his cup of tea. Harry: [after a long pause] What? Ken: You know, I'm not sure it's really his thing. Harry: What do you mean it's...
a good woman was talked out of being with a good man and a good man talked himself out of being with that good woman because that good woman was talked out of being with that good man and so that good man stopped trying to be that good man and that g...
It's rough being a teenager in this day and age.
