Mrs. Marcus: Now for the last time. Are we calling Sylvester or not? J. Russell Finch: No! We are not! And I'll tell you why not. Because your son Sylvester is an irresponsible, unreliable, big loudmouth no good bum! Who if he isn't a crook? It's bec...
Tower Controller at Rancho Conejo: In another couple of minutes, we'll have them in position, Colonel. Col. Wilberforce: In another couple of minutes, men, we'll have you in position. Tower Controller at Rancho Conejo: [Sarcastically] You're doing a ...
J. Russell Finch: Lets stop arguing please! The only reason were together is because they only had one car. So lets get there, even if we are last. J. Algernon Hawthorne: Whatever the outcome of the day I shall never forget that you hit me when I was...
Ding Bell: Ah, this is hopeless. We're gonna get noplace if we're gonna continue listening to this old bag. Benjy Benjamin: What are you trying to do, lady? You trying to split us up so it becomes every man for himself? Ding Bell: ...And every woman ...
Mrs. Marcus: You're overlooking one little thing. J. Russell Finch: Yeah, one little thing. Ding Bell: What little thing? J. Russell Finch: Yeah, what little thing? Mrs. Marcus: We can all count, can't we? There were 8 of us there. J. Russell Finch: ...
There is madness in every single being, is there not?
All my life, people have asked me what I was so mad about. 'Why you so mad?' And I was never mad. I'm not mad, I just look mad.
Melville Crump: Filibuster. Filibuster. Ha. Now you can stick around and watch us take off. Ding Bell: Listen, Dentist: I *hate* dentists! And I hate *you* so much, that I'm not able to *tell* you how much I hate you, in front of your wife-! Benjy Be...
Emmeline Finch: Oh Russell, I feel sick. J. Russell Finch: Now take it easy honey, these things happen ya know. Mrs. Marcus: Now what kind of an attitude is that, "these things happen"? They only happen because this whole country is just full of peop...
Third Cab Driver: Can't you see I'm talking on the phone? Huh? Give me two minutes! Now listen to me, Sir, I... [Looks back at Melville] Melville Crump: Will you take us to Santa Rosita state park? Third Cab Driver: What's the matter, what happened t...
Tyler Fitzgerald: You know what I need? I need a drink. There's some ice and stuff back there. Why don't you make us all some old fashioneds? Ding Bell: "Old Fashions"? Do you think you oughta drink while you're flying? Tyler Fitzgerald: Well stop ki...
Melville Crump: Look, why don't we just start digging for it? J. Russell Finch: Well suppose someone comes along? What do we tell them? Monica Crump: Well, we could tell them that we're here on an archeological expedition. Melville Crump: [annoyed] A...
Tyler Fitzgerald: Anybody can fly plane, now here: I'll check you out. Put your little hands on the wheel there. Now put your feet on the rudder. There. Who says this ol' boy can't fly this ol' plane? Now I'm gonna make us some Old Fashioneds the old...
Lennie Pike: This is stupid. You call me a "stupid idiot?" Well, let me tell you something. You're a "stupid idiot!" Mrs. Marcus: But he'll go all the way to Plaster City. Lennie Pike: So he goes all the way to Plaster City. I don't know about you, b...
J. Russell Finch: And I give you my word. My wife wanted to stop for you, I wanted to stop for you, he wanted to stop for you. But tell him, tell him how my mother in-law made us drive right by him... Lennie Pike: Listen, anything you got to say abou...
Capt. T.G. Culpeper: [into a phone] Ginger, I want you to prepare yourself for a little shock. When I tell you what happened... Ginger Culpeper: [voice] So, tell me, tell me. I've got this biscuit dough... Capt. T.G. Culpeper: The Smiler Grogan case ...
Benjy Benjamin: [while Benji tries to fly the plane, Ding tries putting head phones on Benji's head] Hey, get outta here. Ding Bell: Put them on. Benjy Benjamin: I don't wanna. Ding Bell: Benji, I tell you, he said the man who's flying should be talk...
[Pike and Sylvester are digging into a hole that suddenly becomes too close] Sylvester Marcus: Wait a minute, wait a minute. There's not enough room, Man, you're bugging me. You're bugging me. Lennie Pike: What are you talking about 'bugging'? Sylves...
Sylvester Marcus: [Benji and Dingy run by] Who are they? Mrs. Marcus: I don't know. Sylvester Marcus: From this morning? Mrs. Marcus: Yes. Sylvester Marcus: [Captain Culpeper goes by] Who is he? Mrs. Marcus: I don't know. Sylvester Marcus: [Otto Meye...
J. Algernon Hawthorne: [Russell takes a swing at him and misses] So it's fisticuffs you want, is it? Right, stick 'em up! J. Russell Finch: Don't hit me! Don't hit me! [Hawthorne chases him around the car, until the two bump into one another] J. Alge...
Capt. T.G. Culpeper: You know what I believe I'd like? A chocolate fudge sundae with whipped cream and a cherry on top. [Everybody stares] Capt. T.G. Culpeper: Nothing will happen here for five minutes. Secretary Schwartz: Mrs. Culpeper on the phone....
