Sam the Lion: If she was here I'd probably be just as crazy now as I was then in about 5 minutes. Ain't that ridiculous?... Naw, it ain't really. 'Cause being crazy about a woman like her is always the right thing to do. Being an old decrepit bag of ...
Yuri Orlov: Without operations like mine it would be impossible for certain countries to conduct a respectable war. I was able to navigate around those inconvenient little arms embargoes. There are three basic types of arms deal: white, being legal, ...
Keller Dover: [driving along] You know the most important thing your granddad ever taught me? Hmm? Be ready. Hurricane, flood, whatever it ends up being. No more food gets delivered to the grocery store, gas stations dry up. People just turn on each ...
Charlie: I know who you are, Sam. I know I'm quiet... and, and I know I should speak more. But if you knew the things that were in my head most of the time, you'd know what it really meant. How, how much we're alike, and how we've been through the sa...
Patrick: Hey, Sam. Sam: Question. Could the bathrooms here be anymore disgusting? Patrick: Yes, they call it the men's room. Sam: So, I finally got a hold of Bob. Patrick: Party tonight? Sam: He's still trying to shag that waitress from the Olive Gar...
Mitch: Oh I don't mind you being older than what I thought. But all the rest of it. That pitch about your ideals being so old-fashioned and all the malarkey that you've been dishin' out all summer. Oh, I knew you weren't sixteen anymore. But I was fo...
Erica Albright: [Angry] I'm sorry you are not sufficiently impressed with my education. Mark Zuckerberg: I'm sorry I don't have a rowboat, so we're even. Erica Albright: I think we should just be friends. Mark Zuckerberg: I don't want friends. Erica ...
Feminists who say that I switched sides because I am an opportunist should know that exactly the opposite is true. It's cost me a lot of money. I've gone from being well-to-do to being $70,000 in debt. I have done something self-destructive financial...
Craig Schwartz: [as Maxine Puppet] Tell me, Craig, why do you like puppetering? Craig Schwartz: [as Craig Puppet] Well Maxine, I'm not sure exactly. Perhaps the idea of becoming someone else for a little while. Being inside another skin - thinking di...
I wanted to tell a dream-come-true story about going from a closeted gay kid who loved pop culture to an out adult man making pop culture. I went from being told when I was 21 that I should never go on TV because of my crossed eyes to winding up bein...
Everyone is the other and no one is himself.
Being seventy is not a sin.
I don't like being in houses alone.
Having regrets is proof of being alive.
One of the best things about being an actor is that it's a meritocracy.
Being married is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I never thought of being disadvantaged.
I don't like publicity, being in the limelight.
It is always fragile, being a parent.
Being a woman is really crap.
I was dissatisfied just being an actor.
