Leading up to my life is a long line of dead bodies. These are my ancestors, and I respect them, but I’m glad I don’t have to bury them all. I just have to bury my grandfather, before the cops get here.
I like to bunch words together to form new words, like "off" and "ice" to form "office." But I have no idea what an office is, because I avoid work like the plague. Is office even a real word?
There are red splatters all over my shirt. Is that spaghetti sauce—or a murder stain? Somebody go look for my mother-in-law, and if you find her, let me know so I can move the body to a better hiding spot.
I had a dream about you. I was a parakeet in flight, and you were an empty cage. I felt bad, because if you were empty it meant that all the criminals were free to run this country into the ground from Washington DC.
For the longest time I thought I was blind, until I realized my eyelids were just shut. So I unzipped my pants and got on with my life. After I quit the Helen Keller Society, of course.
I called security when I found out I’d lost my virginity, but after looking for it, they assured me nobody had turned it in. I’d better tell grandpa the bad news before he takes his daily bowel movement.
The BIG push means being able to develop and sustain momentum toward your goal; it is the process of actively replacing excuses with winning habits, the ultimate excuses blockers. Moreover, it is being willing to go to the wall for what you want or b...
Have the courage to walk away from a fantastic deal, if the person on the other side is disprepectful or trying to pull a smart one on you.' Temptation should never rule a deal, the value should, fairplay should and acceptance on either side that the...
Never stop being a kid, Richard. Never stop feeling and seeing and being excited with great things like air and engines and sounds of sunlight within you. Wear your little mask if you must to protect you from the world but if you let that kid disappe...
There is nothing that strengthens the ego more than being right. Being right is identification with a mental position - a perspective, an opinion, a judgement, a story. For you to be right, of course, you need someone else to be wrong, as so the ego ...
The supply of matter in the universe was never more tightly packed than it is now, or more widely spread out. For nothing is ever added to it or subtracted from it. It follows that the movement of atoms today is no different from what it was in bygon...
I must talk, and you must listen, for we are engaged here in the most important pursuit in history: the search for meaning. What is the nature of being a person? What is the best way to go about being a person? How did we come to be, and what will be...
Although time seems to fly, it never travels faster than one day at a time. Each day is a new opportunity to live your life to the fullest. In each waking day, you will find scores of blessings and opportunities for positive change. Do not let your T...
The world gives us PLENTY of opportunities to strengthen our patience. While this truth can definitely be challenging, this is a good thing. Patience is a key that unlocks the door to a more fulfilling life. It is through a cultivation of patience th...
For now she need not think of anybody. She could be herself, by herself. And that was what now she often felt the need of - to think; well not even to think. To be silent; to be alone. All the being and the doing, expansive, glittering, vocal, evapor...
Begin. . . where you are, NOT where you want to be. Begin stuck in the doldrums of your false story--if that is where you are. Begin there because, in truth, there is no other place to start from. Tell yourself that you are going to listen for the so...
Whenever we find that our religious life is making us feel that we are good - above all, that we are better than someone else - I think we may be sure that we are being acted on, not by God, but by the devil. The real test of being in the presence of...
They can fatten me up. They can give me a full body polish, dress me up, and make me beautiful again. They can design dream weapons that come to life in my hands, but they will never again brainwash me into the necessity of using them. I no longer fe...
There's something very peaceful about being in love. It can make you light as a feather; so blissfully unaware of anything else of importance. It can make you feel anger, rage, jealousy and lust all in one sentence. But the most important thing that ...
The question I’d long posed to myself—whether to be married or to be single—is a false binary. The space in which I’ve always wanted to live—indeed, where I have spend my adulthood—isn’t between those two poles, but beyond it. The choic...
Married?” I asked, being ineptly sneaky. “Nope. Gay,” Sam flatly stated, being honest and not sneaky at all. How can you not like a man like that? I almost choked on a green bean. Before I could stop myself, the words were out of my mouth. “A...