Writers who think THEY are being criticized when only that writing is being criticized are beyond a teacher's reach. Writing can only be learned when a writer coldly separates himself from what he has written and looks at it with the objectivity of a...
I walked back into the bedroom and, after all that, I actually was surprised. She lay on the bed, her hands nonchalantly behind her head, with the banana between her legs. Only half of it was alfresco. It was if we'd had sex and then, before heading ...
And I say, I crash in to things in the dark Even when the lights are on And I am wrong more often than I am writing And even then, I am often wrong But when my friends are in the bathroom at the bar Rolling dollar bills in to telescopes, Claiming the...
There is a picture of me in their heads, a picture of someone I don't know yet. She is not the chubby girl with the braces and bad perm. She is not the girl hiding in the bathroom at recess. She is someone new, a blank slate they have named beautiful...
Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I'm changing it t...
The Howard Hughes thing hadn’t actually sounded like such a bad deal until about...oh, eight thirty-five this morning. Something about having his ex carry him to the bathroom and help him wash his balls just took all the fun out of becoming an ecce...
Dad had this story. A Marine and a Navy guy walk into a bathroom together. They both take a piss, and then sailor goes to the sink. The Marine heads for the door, and the sailor says, "Hey- in the Navy they teach us to wash up after we take a leak." ...
I’m not even sure I’m going to see that Colin Farrell wanna-be again.” “What happened?” “Walked in on him and the bartender in the bathroom last night at Lotus. Usually, that wouldn’t bother me, but the bartender had a mullet. Can you i...
When I go to the bathrooms, I cannot take off my pants as before; because there is a light continuously blinking like a camera, everyone says it is just an environmental friendly lighting. Well, I cannot really trust it and I am not taking the risk o...
No sign of Marissa yet though I heard her clunking around in the bathroom so she was probably doing whatever girls do to make themselves presentable. Poor things. It didn't take any time at all for us guys to rejoin the world and still be our handsom...
If I were a paper pusher for a living, I’d be pissed if my coworkers moved my desk into the wind tunnel. So to repay them, I’d probably relocate all the urinals to inside the wind tunnel. That would teach those guys to never move my desk from the...
Mr. Babcock pats my shoulder. He smiles, and the caterpillar mustache — the envy of state troopers everywhere, I'm sure — straightens out again. I hear that on the weekends, he's a part-time security guard with mirrored sunglasses and a gun. He p...
Contrary to what you have been told, metrosexuality is not about flip-flops and facials, ‘man-bags’ or ‘manscara’. Or about men becoming ‘girlie’ or ‘gay’. It’s about men becoming everything. To themselves. In much the way that wome...
Here in the bathroom with me are razor blades. Here is iodine to drink. Here are sleeping pills to swallow. You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be. Every time you don't throw yourself do...
Phil Wenneck: Stu, we don't have time for this. Look, let's go hook up with Doug, and we'll deal with the baby later. Stu Price: Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room, there's a fucking tiger in the bathroom! Phil Wenneck: It's not our baby....
Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him... the things he'd say to me. Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What did he say? Igor: "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of ...
As he walked, he knew the bathroom instantly because of the reflective tile floor. Hers would be the last door again. As he took another step forward, he could see a sliver of skin cut by the light, reflecting a glimpse of her pale skin. It served as...
Then, almost as an afterthought, she turned and locked the bathroom door. If he thought he was going to seduce her, make her stupid enough to believe his lies by getting her into bed, he'd better think again. She stepped into the water. Besides, wome...
As I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, it occurred to me that if all else failed, a man could at least kiss himself, and I stared in to the mirror, conjuring up the memory of the couple in the film. I couldn't get the image of their lips ...
This was awkward to infinity. Alex living here would change my entire routine. I was sharing a bathroom with my boyfriend. How scary was that? I had tampons and pads and everything in there. He was going to be naked in the shower on the other side of...
--she walked into her bathroom, stripped, and entered the shower. The door opened a minute later to expose Riley standing there, beer in hand. Scraping damp strands of red off her face, she glared at him. "I don't remember giving you an invitation." ...