Bart: Hey, maybe you should eat somethin' first. Jim: No thanks, food makes me sick.
Jim: Uh-oh, Bart. I think Mongo here's taken a liking to you. Mongo: Huh-huh, naw, Mongo straight.
Jim: [Bart comes in after spending the night with Lili Von Stupp] Oh deary dear. Look what the cat dragged in.
Don't they always go from bad to worse? There's no turning back--your old self rejects you, and shuts you out. ~Lilly Bart
In 1977, I wrote a series of poems about a character, Black Bart, a former cattle rustler-turned-alchemist. A good friend, Claude Purdy, who is a stage director, suggested I turn the poems into a play.
Bill Steiner: Hey I think someone just shot a torpedo at us! Capt. Bart Mancuso: No shit, Buckwheat, now get the hell out of here!
[Jim downs a bottle of whiskey in one long guzzle] Bart: A man drink like that and he don't eat, he is going to DIE. Jim: [eagerly] When?
Bart: Well, can't you see that's the last act of a desperate man? Howard Johnson: We don't care if it's the first act of "Henry V," we're leaving!
Bart: I'm rapidly becoming a big underground success in this town. Jim: See? In another twenty-five years, you'll be able to shake their hands in broad daylight.
Jim: I'd better sit up. [struggles to straighten himself] Bart: Need any help? Jim: Oh... all I can get.
I went to Bali, and I was in a small village, and somebody who was with me showed a woman a little figurine of Bart and asked: 'Do you know who this is?' And she said: 'Mickey Mouse.'
No one ever asked what was my relationship with Bart Giamatti. We used to talk about baseball a lot as a player and a commissioner, just talk about the game, what could we do to help the game, where's the game going, he was pretty good.
The conundrum that I face on a daily basis is that I have two sons who have grown up watching 'The Simpsons,' so they know exactly what buttons to push. They know how Bart irritates Homer, and they use these lines against me to tell me that I'm not f...
Taggart: Send a wire to the main office and tell them I said... [Bart whacks him with a shovel] Taggart: OW! Lyle: [writing] Send wire, main office, tell them I said "ow". Gotcha!
Howard Johnson: [reading] As honorary chairman of the welcoming committee, it's my privilege to present a laurel and hearty handshake to our new... [looks up and sees Bart] Howard Johnson: ...nigger.
Jim: Look at my hand. [raises hand and holds it level] Bart: Steady as a rock. Jim: [raises his other hand, which is violently trembling] Yeah, but I shoot with this one.
Jim: [consoling Bart] What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter"? You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.
[Taggart spots Bart and Charlie on a hand-cart sinking into quicksand] Taggart: Oh, shit. Quicksand! [Lassos the hand-cart and drags it but not the men out of the quicksand] Taggart: Dang, that was lucky. Doggone near lost a four hundred dollar handc...
[Jim the Waco Kid has just shot the guns out of the hands of a dozen henchmen] Bart: Well, don't just stand there looking stupid, grasping your hands in pain. How about a round of applause for The Waco Kid?
I think about 'The Simpsons,' which has been going on for 25 years. Homer is still in his late 30's. Lisa is 8, Bart is 10. Their stories are told. Yet the series keeps going on and on like a zombie that won't lie down and die. That feels forced and ...
Since September 11, security has been increased everywhere, and we have new IDs to get on to the Fox lot. I drove to the security gate, but realized I'd left my ID in my other car. I just broke into that voice - 'Hey, man, I'm Bart Simpson. Who else ...
