Quotes of: Bar-mitzvah Keyword

A brown blanket could be used in place of chocolate frosting on a cake, and since nobody will want to eat it, you’ll be left with more cake for yourself. 


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A blanket can be a meditation device. If the blanket is white, and you stare at it, you can blank out your mind and find peace within yourself.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick is blocking my urethra. But it’s not painful, because my penis is just that big. 
Oh yes, it’s as big as this lie is.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A blanket could be made of tuna fish skin, which would go well with my cottage cheese thighs.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick could replace the cardboard bill on a baseball cap. On a windy day, no gust will knock your hat off.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A blanket, no matter how thin, could be sliced thinner, and in this way one blanket could be used to keep a multitude of people warm. But not that warm.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by a single scratch. 


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick could be utilized to teach the danger of procrastination. Ignoring the brick and pretending everything will work itself out is not going to transform it into a wall. 


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A blanket and a brick could be put in a ring and paid to fight. Compared to MMA, it would be boring. But compared to boxing, it would be downright thrilling. 


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick could be surgically inserted in the chest of a man who needs a heart transplant. And for just $20,000 more dollars, that brick could be replaced with a new heart.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick could be used as a measurement of time. Yes, just think how stylish you’ll look with a brick duct taped to your wrist!


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A brick can’t cure cancer. But who knows, maybe a brick combined with a blanket could. I’ll have to ask Dr. Burzynski about it.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

A blanket could make a good hood on a car, because it’s flat and warm and I don’t currently have a hood. Or a car.


A brick and a blanket walk into a bar

By the age of 18, I was very fat. My dad would say there's a Spall fat gene. But I was fat because I ate loads. I used to go and buy six or seven chocolate bars and eat my way through them.

Rafe Spall

Art can help a town by attracting a certain Bohemian population that adds life to the bars, character to the streets and a buzz to the name. Employers may then follow. But art can't do much if every town does it. There aren't enough Bohemians.

Evan Davis

A sad fact of life lately at the Museum of Modern Art is that when it comes to group shows of contemporary painting from the collection, the bar has been set pretty low.

Jerry Saltz

You are welcome to your intellectual pastimes and books and art and newspapers; welcome, too, to your bars and your whisky that only makes me ill. Here am I in the forest, quite content.

Knut Hamsun

Memories shrink. Like a soap bar used over and over, they become deformed, weaker scented, too slight and slippery to hold.

22 Britannia Road

I don’t think you’re going to start a riot, but until you prove you have more survival instincts than a seriously stressed out lemming, you’ll stay at the bar.

Axel's Pup

Sometimes what I wouldn't give to have us sitting in a bar again at 9:00 a.m. telling lies to one another, far from God.

Jesus' Son