One of the supreme paradoxes of baseball, and all sports, is that the harder you try to throw a pitch or hit a ball or accomplish something, the smaller your chances are for success. You get the best results not when you apply superhuman effort but w...
Look, cat, you and I are never going to be friends. She’s going to call you Max, but I’m going to call you Shit Head. And if you think for one second—” The cat lies down in a tight little ball of nastiness and falls asleep. “Oh, please. Mak...
I've failed in communication...and so I've learned to have open and honest dialogue at the opportune, and appropriate time. I've failed in relationships...and so I've learned to appreciate the people in my life, and to treat them with kindness. I've ...
Vowels were something else. He didn't like them, and they didn't like him. There were only five of them, but they seemed to be everywhere. Why, you could go through twenty words without bumping into some of the shyer consonants, but it seemed as if y...
Carlito: You ripped him off, didn't you? David Kleinfeld: What? Carlito: Tony T. You did take the million dollars, didn't you? David Kleinfeld: [guiltily] Yeah. Carlito: You ain't a lawyer no more, Dave. You a gangster now. On the other side. A whole...
Elliot: [upon encountering E.T., running excitedly into the house] Mom, Mom! There's something out there! Mary: What? Elliot: It's in the toolshed. It threw the ball at me. [Michael and his friends mock him loudly] Elliot: QUIET! [Michael's friends g...
Everett Flatch: [Shooter is coaching the team at a critical moment after Coach Dale was ejected] You think #22's gonna take their last shot, Dad? Wilbur 'Shooter' Flatch: Yeah, probably... they been pickin' low all night. Rade, let yourself get taken...
Teacher: Nouns beginning with "B"? Yes, Sophie? Sophie à 8 ans: "B" for... "Big-dick", "bonk"... "B" for "Beat the beaver", "bordello", "balls", "blow-job", "bug-eyed baboon", "bitchbag"... "Beat it, bitchbag!" Teacher: Think you're funny, miss? Wha...
Scott Smith: [reading a threatening note] 'Harvey Milk will have a dream journey and nightmare to hell. A night of horror. He will be stabbed and have your genitals, cock balls and prick cut off.' I'm calling the police. Harvey Milk: They probably wr...
Vilos Cohaagen: [Cohaagen has Quaid strapped into a memory machine and is about to turn him back into Hauser] Relax, Quaid. You'll like being Hauser. Douglas Quaid: The guy's a fucking asshole! Vilos Cohaagen: Not true! He's one of my best friends. B...
Ron Carlisle: I'm afraid you're not right for this role. Thanks for coming by. Dorothy Michaels: Why am I not right, Mister Carlisle? Ron Carlisle: I'm trying to make a certain statement and I'm looking for a specific physical type. Dorothy Michaels:...
Cinderella was such a dork. She left behind her glass slipper at the ball and then went right back to her step-monster's house. It seems to me she should have worn the glass slipper always, to make herself easier to find. I always hoped that after th...
t smells in. Let the smell of hot tarmac in the summer remind you of a meal you ate the first time you landed in a hot place, when the ground smelled like it was melting. Let the smell of salt remind you of a paper basket of fried clams you ate once,...
People talk about nightfall, or night falling, or dusk falling, and it’s never seemed right to me. Perhaps they once meant befalling. As in night befalls. As in night happens. Perhaps they, whoever they were, thought of a falling sun. That might be...
It is in the twenties that the actual momentum of life begins to slacken, and it is a simple soul indeed to whom as many things are significant and meaningful at thirty as at ten years before. At thirty an organ-grinder is a more or less moth-eaten m...
Nature loves efficiency, which is very odd for something supposedly working at random. When you drop a ball, it falls straight down without taking any unexpected detours. When two molecules with the potential for bonding meet, they always bond- there...
There is no greater torture than being forced to watch as your love, your reason for living, breathing, and existing, sinks into oblivion. Your heart stops no matter how you try to get to her, she just gets farther and farther away." ~Fane from 'Beyo...
U.S. Presedent Barack Sadam Husene Obame sit in the darkened Oval Ofice at 2 a.m. wearing hes traditienel Kenyan roabe. He take one last bite of the Chicago style deep dish pizza that he has flown to him every day on the Amerecan tax payer's dime and...
At its best fashion is a game. But for women it's a compulsory game, like net ball, and you can't get out of it by faking your period. I know I have tried. And so for a woman every outfit is a hopeful spell, cast to influence the outcome of the day. ...
One morning as I closed the cyclone-fence gate / to begin a slow drift / down to the cookhouse on foot / (because my truck wheels were glued / in deep mud once again), / I walked straight into / the waiting non-arms of a snake, / its tan beaded-bag s...
God what an outfield,' he says. 'What a left field.' He looks up at me, and I look down at him. 'This must be heaven,' he says. No. It's Iowa,' I reply automatically. But then I feel the night rubbing softly against my face like cherry blossoms; look...
