Probably the biggest temptation that young writers face is to be entertaining, to show your bag of tricks and do a bit of tap dancing. I read a lot of things, and I keep seeing this brocade of voice where someone is trying to be too pally with you or...
There's a deli around the corner from my office where I'd get a bag of chips with my sandwich, and I was hiding them under my sandwich because I was embarrassed. When I had this epiphany that I was hiding the potato chips from myself, I realized ther...
You keep seeing your picture on posters that you are missing but you're not. That'd be weird, right? Or say you look down at the sidewalk and earthworms are spelling your name. Or you open a peanut bag and the 'hello' is written in your writing on th...
Everybody always laughs because I feel so much more comfortable with, like, a giant paper bag on my whole body and paint on my face. Sometimes I try really hard to take it all off. But inevitably what's underneath is still not a straight edge. And I ...
It was always sort of my dream to make handbags and I wanted a handbag that was very sharp, very structured, very tailored... I wanted a bag you could put all of your things in it, you can open it, you could close it, you could hid all your tricks, b...
When we go online, we commit ourselves to the care of online mechanisms. Digital Band-Aids for digital wounds. We feed ourselves into machines, hoping some algorithm will digest the mess that is our experience into something legible, something more m...
Too lazy to be ambitious, I let the world take care of itself. Ten days' worth of rice in my bag; a bundle of twigs by the fireplace. Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment? Listening to the night rain on my roof, I sit comfortably, with both l...
I use Ole Henriksen eye gel when I think of it, and go for facials when spa gift certificates appear as a professional thank-you or in a gift bag. Once ensconced in a facialist's chair, I let myself be coaxed into all sorts of treatments, because I'm...
One day Mum saved up for this exciting new thing - a frozen chicken. She cooked it on the Sunday and we all sat around waiting for it, but there was a terrible smell from the kitchen. She didn't realise that the giblets were in a plastic bag inside i...
I feel I should do everything I can to make a difference in Haiti. My main goal to help the people of Haiti is to give them homes, food, and jobs. It is heartbreaking to see little children sleeping on the ground in tents made of trash bags. I hope t...
More than 30 years ago, in Washington, D.C., I secured a copy of a single by a Los Angeles band called The Bags. The two-song 7-inch, released on Dangerhouse, had a girl on the cover who looked right at you with huge eyes. The songs, 'Survive' and 'B...
A lot of these girls have a goal in life to find a rich guy. I can smell it from a mile away. They won't catch me! I know what they look like. They come with their little Kelly bag and their Rolex and the Louboutin shoes that are slightly too sexy. S...
It is very awkward how some people don't have any investment, wouldn't buy self-development books, complain that organic foods are too expensive for them to afford, but yet they have all the costly brand name clothes, shoes, bags, and other expensive...
I sometimes read about authors who say they require a perfectly silent room maintained at precisely 68 degrees, with trash bags taped over the windows and a white-noise machine in the corner to write, and I think, 'Who are these people, and do any of...
I think if you went back to the eighteenth century and you asked a fifteen year old boy, 'Would you like to marry a woman who has had plastic bags needlessly inserted into her breasts?', that fifteen year old boy would probably be like, 'what's plast...
[voice over] Lorenzo: Young protesters spoke about how they'd change our lives and fix the world. But while they shouted their slogans, my friends and I went to the funeral services of the young men of Hell's Kitchen who came back from Vietnam in bod...
My friends like to play as me in the baseball games, and they call to tell me about every bag I steal. And you know, every time a new game comes out, I check to make sure my speed is up to par. But to me, when you talk video games, you're talking 'Ma...
I don't have the luxury of sitting around any more. I must have had bags of spare time before I had children, but I don't know what I did with it and I didn't appreciate it. But it's such a terrific trade-off. I don't have time to get a pedicure, but...
In my new IFC comedy game show, 'Bunk,' we actually use our intern Patrick as a human timer - giving contestants the time it takes for him to wade through a bag of broken glass for a razor blade, to get gum out of his hair, to pick up every strand fr...
[In a church, planning a hit on Joey Zasa] Al Neri: Look! I'd love to smack Joey Zasa and then whack the bag, Okay? But it's impossible. He's always mingling with people. In front of TV cameras, in his own neighborhood, it's impossible.
Tommy "Tombs" Perello: One Nike gym bag - sixty bucks. One Nokia cell phone - hundred bucks. One ounce semtex - five hundred bucks. Gettin' rid of a dirty cop... [laughs] Tommy "Tombs" Perello: Fuckin' priceless!
