Jackson: [trying to tell in which grave the gold is hidden] There's no number... there's a name... it's written... [chokes and gasps a couple of times, then] Jackson: Water! Tuco: You talk first, I'll give you water later! Sad Hill Cemetery, okay, in...
Sheriff: [shows Tuco the wanted poster] So you're an honest farmer. You recognize this man? Tuco: Me? Sheriff: Yeah, it's you! Tuco: Hey, who said so, huh? You can't even read! [the Sheriff rolls up the poster] Tuco: Roll it up, roll it up! I'll give...
Cody: [to Big Daddy] Let me out now? I gave you all them names and addresses. Hey, I won't say nothing to nobody. You and your crazy midget friend can go bash whoever you want. Hey, come on. Hey, I know some very bad people up town. Really nasty indi...
[Ralph hurtles down towards Diet Cola Mountain, preparing to sacrifice himself to save Vanellope and the rest of the game] Wreck-It Ralph: I'm bad, and that's good! I will never be good, and that's not bad! [He looks at the cookie medal Vanellope gav...
Louis Connelly: [Louis explaining not giving up music to August] You never quit on your music. No matter what happens. Cuz anytime something bad happens to you, that's the one place you can escape to and just let it go. I learned it the hard way. And...
Alice: [as a giant] And as for you... Your Majesty! Your Majesty indeed! Why, you're not a queen, [shrinking] Alice: But just a - a fat, pompous, bad tempered old ty...! [normal size] Alice: Tyrant. Queen of Hearts: [giggles] And uh, just what were y...
There is only one motive for writing a novel: to be published and read. To me there is no distinction between the mystery novel and the novel, only between good books and bad books. A good book takes the reader into a new world of experience; it is a...
I know how you feel about me. I feel the same way. You never have to worry that you don't tell me enough, okay?" There he went again, being all perceptive to the point of being creepy psychic mind reader guy. "You're creepy psychic mind reader guy." ...
Where are you guys getting all of this?" I asked. "What does it matter if I - oh come on." We'd reached the lobby and found Eddie and Micah sitting on a bench together. They at least had the decency to look embarrassed. "Not you guys too," I said. "I...
Stop doing stuff that doesn’t help you reach your goals. It sounds simple, doesn’t it? It’s a shame almost no one does it. The most common way we work more and do less is by working on the wrong stuff. We spend our time doing, doing, doing, eve...
A brick and a blanket walk into a bar, and the bartender turns and says, “What can I get you started with?” Before they could reply, a Finnish guy said, “I’ll take a brick in a blanket, hold the ice.” What the bartender started, the Finnish...
I say, thirteen is too many dogs for good mental health. Five is pretty much the limit. More than five dogs and you forfeit your right to call yourself entirely sane. Even if the dogs are small.
You wanted to lick my face the first time you saw me? Is that usually what you do when you’re attracted to guys?” I shake my head. “Not your face, your dimple. And no. You’re the only guy I’ve ever had the urge to lick.” He smiles at me c...
It could have been quite worse," he agreed magnanimously. "And those two guys who felt up your butt while the maintenance dude was working on that hinge were kicked out because they violated the 'must have fondler's consent' rule, or so that pink-hai...
Jealousy always trumps schadenfreude! It’s a rule from the heartbreak version of ‘rock, paper, scissors.
Cora,come on now. You can find a guy in, like, a second flat. Half the guys in the band have you on their laminated list." She rolled her expressive eyes at me. "I want something real, Jet. Something that is life changing and dramatic, something that...
If a person fights, that's their own choice," Angel says. "But getting two roosters to fight or two dogs like pit bulls to fight, the animals don't have a choice there. They can't decide not to fight.
In general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems, and an individual's life energy. Humans connect with humans. Hiding one's humanity and trying to project an image of perfection makes a p...
Tobin," Mom said disapprovingly. She wasn't a particularly funny person. It suited her professionally - I mean, you don't want your cancer surgeon to walk into the examination room and be like, "Guy walks into a bar. Bartender says, 'What'll ya have?...
What you are to me is the guy that I’ve been madly in love with since sixth grade. You’re the guy I think about every night when I’m in bed by myself. You’re the one who doesn’t want me but insists on keeping me tied so close that I can’t...
Love isn’t stackable and interlocking, like boxes or Legos. Love is like a one-legged man standing on a three-legged chair that is placed on top of a two-legged piano. I should know, because I’m the guy trying to tune that piano, fix that chair, ...
