Worst of all were the accolades and thanks from people "for what you guys did over there." Thanks for what, I wanted to ask—shooting kids, cowering in terror behind a berm, dropping artillery on people's homes?
Nostalgia!" Miss Frost cried. "You´re nostalgic!" She repeated. "Just how old are you, William?" She asked. "Seventeen, " I told her. "Seventeen!" Miss Frost cried, as if she'd been stabbed. "Well, William Abbott, if you're nostalgic at seventeen, m...
Why can’t I just be bad?” I asked, figuring my mom would have no idea what I was talking about. “Well, that’s easy, sweetie. You can be anything you want, but when you go against who you are inside, it doesn’t feel good.
Have you killed anyone?” she asked quickly. “What? Did you miss what I said, about turning murder into an art form?” “But you haven’t actually killed anyone yet, have you? I read your file.” He glowered. “Technically, yeah, all right, m...
My grandma leaned out the backseat window, pointing at the cops. "Just so you know, I had no part in this! Ask anyone. They'll all tell you: I hate crime." "Well, we won't mention to them how you 'forgot' to pay for those slippers at Wal-Mart, now, w...
Dorian, I have wings!” “I can see that.” “What am I?” I asked, as chills ran up my spine. “I—I can’t be positive, because I have never seen one. But I think you’re a phoenix,” he said in amazement. “You are so beautiful.
Sorting out what's good and bad is the province of ethics. It is also what keeps priests, pundits, and parents busy. Unfortunately, what keeps children and philosophers busy is asking the priests, pundits and parents, "Why?
Don't you think you're a little old now to be quoting ?' I ask, raising an eyebrow at him. 'You read ,' Will protests. 'Everyone reads ,' I exclaim. 'It's an institution. Besides, it's not really a kids book, it's a metaphor for the world at large. I...
What if she's all I give you in this life of ours, my love?" she asked quietly. "Then I'll shout at the goddess in fury," he said fiercely. "I'll beg to know why I've been given so much when other men have so little.
Girl, you're free, can't you see that? You've got your child, you've got your family down here who love you, you've got your farm. You don't have to ask for anything. You know how few women in this world get to say that, black or white?
When the Stranger says: “What is the meaning of this city ? Do you huddle close together because you love each other?” What will you answer? “We all dwell together To make money from each other”? or “This is a community”? Oh my soul, be p...
I'm working on my own life story. I don't mean I'm putting it together; no, I'm taking it apart. If you'd wanted the narrative line you should have asked earlier, when I still knew everything and was more than willing to tell. That was before I disco...
look, you know i don't wanna come on ungrateful, but that warren report, you know as well as me, just didn't make it. You know, like they might as well have asked some banana salesman from des moines, who was up in toronto on the big day, if he saw a...
I want to direct a movie called “Sleep” that’s sure to put everybody to the title. The whole movie will look like an extended blink. That way, if anybody asks if you’ve seen it, and you say No, you fell asleep halfway through, the other perso...
I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet.
There was an amazing party last night. I would have asked you to come with me, but the invitation read “Guest plus one.” Unfortunately, I wasn’t sent an invitation to be able to invite someone. I wasn’t even the “plus one.” But I did get ...
Love can make people do crazy things. I once saw a man streak down Blanding Blvd. with only a banana peel stapled over his manhood. I'm not sure he was in love, but he was definitely crazy. Next time I see my dad I'll have to ask if he was in love at...
Today somebody asked me if I had to lose one of my senses, which would I choose? “Oh my God,” I said, “I’d choose smell.” But of course with that comes the loss of taste too. But who cares? I could eat cheap, flavorless gruel everyday with ...
Dear Artie: “The young fellow has disappeared into a dead end. I think the long-necked bastard planned to wind up in Paris and sent him there but he may also have used the underground railroad. Ask your round-heeled contact. Maybe you can find more...
There’s nothing more important than literary merit, and that’s why I not only created an award—the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award—but I nominated myself as the first recipient. You can’t always wait for success to come to you. Somet...
I asked her if she’d give me all her love, and she flatly said no. I got excited because while she said she wouldn’t give me all her love, she said nothing about not wanting to give me some of her love.
