I opened my wallet and gave him a coupon, hoping he’d open his wallet and give me money.
My favorite tree is the Joshua tree, which is named after me. Well, it will be, once I change my name to Joshua.
On the card I wrote, “Thinking of you,” and the picture was of my erect penis. I hope my local congressman got it OK.
In my dream, the passenger seat of my car was a toilet. I guess I was on my way to pick up a politician.
There’s a faint whiff of feces wafting up my nostrils. But that’s natural, because I just walked past a politician.
Some wise guys came by my business establishment and tried to offer me neighborhood protection. They weren’t mafia, but they were wearing togas.
When you pay for security, it seems like you’re paying for nothing—and that’s the point. You’re paying so nothing happens. Safety is the absence of something.
I’m into older women, because all women are older women. Every second the woman you love is an older woman.
My reputation precedes me. It shows up about fifteen minutes before I do, eats, and then leaves without paying or tipping.
The locked door in my house is just a diversion. The real valuable items are out in the open, where they are hidden from the unimaginative.
The leg system of the beach animals works because of a combination of certain lengths of tubes. Because of the proportion of lengths, the animals walk smoothly. You could say that this range of numbers is their genetic code.
A man can live and be healthy without killing animals for food; therefore, if he eats meat, he participates in taking animal life merely for the sake of his appetite. And to act so is immoral.
There is increasing social concern about our use of nonhumans for experiments, food, clothing and entertainment. This concern about animals reflects both our own moral development as a civilization and our recognition that the differences between hum...
You could think of an ecosystem as a bunch of antagonistic arms races, almost: Everything that an animal depends upon for food is the body part of some other animal or plant who would just as soon keep that body part for itself.
I grew up in a family of filmmakers, so I always wanted to make films about animals, especially comical films. Something about animals amuses me. And they have a great mystery. It's the same mystique some people might feel looking at the stars or the...
A plague on eminence! I hardly dare cross the street anymore without a convoy, and I am stared at wherever I go like an idiot member of a royal family or an animal in a zoo; and zoo animals have been known to die from stares.
Horses are prey animals, and most of the other animals that I've shot are predators. If you act mellow with predators, they know that they can kill you, so they are cool, but if you work with prey, they think that you're going to kill them at any mom...
For at the same time many people seem eager to extend the circle of our moral consideration to animals, in our factory farms and laboratories we are inflicting more suffering on more animals than at any time in history.
The great mass of women throughout history have been confined to the cultural level of animal life in providing the male with sexual outlet and exercising the animal functions of reproduction and care of the young.
It is up to the public to stop attending these theatrical, and aquatic shows, and circuses with wild animals. The rhetoric about how the animals are happy and well cared for are lies. Don't be swayed by them. The money behind these shows is huge; the...
Pandemics do not occur randomly. From malaria and influenza to AIDS and SARS, the lethal microbes have come, in the first instance, from animals, especially wild animals. And we increasingly know which parts of the world pose the greatest risk for fu...
