I tried so hard with movies like Vertigo and Middle of the Night and others. I felt those would show me that it's only a matter of time before I'd find the right one to reach out and touch people.
Stand-up keeps you on your toes because it's instant. With TV and movies, you have to wait for the numbers to come in to see what happened at the box office. With stand-up, it's right there, that night, in your face.
Chow Mo Wan: He didn't turn back. It's as if he boarded a very long train headed for a drowsy future through the unfathomable night.
Bernadette: How long is the run? Tick: Four weeks. Equity minimum, two shows a night, accommodation included.
Carol: Oh, no, not me. Not old Carol. The night is young and I'm not hittin' the rack till I get a little action.
Young Ed Bloom: It was that night I discovered that most things you consider evil or wicked are simply lonely, and lacking in the social niceties.
Alicia: Who are you talking too? Nash: The Garbageman Alicia: Garbagemen don't come at night. Nash: [Hearing the Garbageman outside] Guess around here, they do.
Buck Swope: See this system here? This is Hi-Fi... high fidelity. What that means is that it's the highest quality fidelity.
Dirk: Aren't you gonna take your skates off? Rollergirl: I never take my skates off.
[Rollergirl scratches her crotch] Amber Waves: What's going on down there? Rollergirl: I have to go pee. Amber Waves: Well, pee then.
Dirk: I can't. I just can't get it hard. I just can't. I'm sorry. Surfer: You shouldn't do this sorta thing, faggot.
Buck Swope: [to his pregnant wife] How's my little kung fu fighter? Jessie St. Vincent: He's kicking ass inside my stomach.
Rahad Jackson: You want somethin' to drink? A little pill, a little coke, a little dope? I got everything!
Rollergirl: [to Amber in a documentary about Dirk] He can fuck really hard or he can fuck really gently. He's the best.
Amber Waves: Too many things too many things too many things... I wanna go for a walk. Let's go for a walk.
Lord Bottoms: As lord of these lands I will bless this marriage by taking the bride into my bed on the first night of her union. Bride's Father: Oh, by God, you will not!
Ken: I'm sorry about the message last night. The man who left it is a bit of a... well, he's a bit of a... Marie: Cock? Ken: Yes, a bit of a cock.
Jim: [Bart comes in after spending the night with Lili Von Stupp] Oh deary dear. Look what the cat dragged in.
Reverend Johnson: [praying] O Lord, do we have the strength to carry off this mighty task in one night? Or are we just jerking off? Townspeople: Amen.
After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times, and then one night it'll flop.
Medicine is my lawful wife, and literature is my mistress. When I get fed up with one, I spend the night with the other
