Max Bialystock: Don't you see, darling Bloom, glorious Bloom? It's so simple. STEP ONE: We find the worst play ever written, a surefire flop. STEP TWO: I raise a million bucks. Lots of little old ladies out there. STEP THREE: You go back to work on t...
Jellon Lamb: Forgive me, sir, but I've been stuck here with no one but this sorry sack of Hibernian pig shit for conversation. Poor, poor Dan O'Reilly. Sit, sir. Drink with me. [Charlie cocks his gun and points it to Lamb] Charlie Burns: One more cra...
Charlie Burns: My brother's taken a bullet, Stanley, and is in need of medical attention. Captain Stanley: Well, allow me to address the subject of your brother, Mr. Burns. Christmas, as you're probably aware, is fast approaching, and Christmas this ...
The Count: To all our listeners, this is what I have to say - God bless you all. And as for you bastards in charge, don't dream it's over. Years will come, years will go, and politicians will do fuck all to make the world a better place. But all over...
Sam Loomis: You mean the old woman I saw tonight wasn't Mrs. Bates? Sheriff Al Chambers: Now wait a minute, Sam, are you *sure* you saw an old woman? Sam Loomis: Yes! In the house behind the motel! I called and I pounded, but she just ignored me! She...
Translator: The general would like to know if you will drink a toast with him. Patton: Thank the general and tell him I have no desire to drink with him or any other Russian son of a bitch. Translator: [Nervous] I can't tell him that! Patton: Tell hi...
Patton: Men, all this stuff you've heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admir...
Patton: [Bradley frowns as Patton pins on his new stars] What's the matter, Brad? I've been nominated by the president. General Omar N. Bradley: I know... but it doesn't become official until it's been approved by the Senate. Patton: Well, they have ...
Colonel Yu: [about warlord] He said no. Walter Fane: He doesn't speak any English, does he? Colonel Yu: [shrug] Walter Fane: Tell him that's the most ridiculous suit that I've ever seen. Colonel Yu: This Doctor respects you greatly, and you are right...
[on the phone] Charlie: Candice, I killed Aunt Helen, didn't I? She died getting my birthday present, so I guess I killed her, right? I tried to stop thinking that, but I can't. She keeps driving away and dying and I can't stop her. Am I crazy, Canda...
Mary Elizabeth: Charlie, Charlie, what do you think about high school? Charlie: High school? Bullshit. The cafeteria is called the Nutrition Center; people wear their letter jackets even when it's 98 degrees out. And why do they give out letter jacke...
Sally Gerber: The idea is that an understanding of the particular behavioral case histories should, in parole situations, help the subject to avoid habitual traps and, in penal escape situations could, conversely, identify those self-same traps as an...
Mark Van Doren: [reciting poetry at his birthday party] Now see summer bloom upon this lee, three score rings around this tree, once green, now bare, once lush, now sere, consoled only that I am planted here... John Van Doren: You certainly are! Mark...
[Marion and Belloq are both very drunk] Marion: [laughs] What is this stuff, Rene? Belloq: [laughing as well] I grew up on this. It's my family label. [Marion falls to the ground laughing then calmly and quickly pulls out the knife she was concealing...
Ed McDonnough: [sobbing] Turn to the right. H.I.: What's the matter, Ed? Ed McDonnough: My "fy-ance" left me. H.I.: [narrating] She said her fiancé had run off with a student cosmetologist, who knew how to ply her feminine wiles. H.I.: [out loud] Th...
Joey LaMotta: They only gave him that fuckin' decision because he's goin' in the Army next week. That's the only reason. Jake La Motta: I knocked him down. I don't know what else I gotta do. I don't know what I gotta do... Joey LaMotta: You won and t...
Mrs. John F. Kennedy: I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling well. Rosemary Woodhouse: It's just a mouse bite. Mrs. John F. Kennedy: Perhaps you'd better have your legs tied down in case of convulsions. Rosemary Woodhouse: Yes, I suppose so. If it was ...
Roosevelt: The entire outer skin will be like this. Tyler: It's titanium, laminated with kevlar. Roosevelt: Go ahead. Shake his hand. [the robotic arm extends to shake Morton's hand] Bob Morton: Come here often? How you doin'? Bob Morton: [cringes as...
[Apollo is looking thru a book of Philadelphia fighters] Jergens: What exactly are you looking for Apollo? Apollo Creed: This is who I'm looking for. The Italian Stallion. Jergens: Rocky Balboa? Never heard of him. Apollo Creed: Look it's the name ma...
[Rocky and Adrian watching a Christmas movie in the house] Adrian: And he called the reporters? Rocky: Yeah. It threw my whole training schedule off. Adrian: Don't be mad at him. He's just trying to help. Rocky: Adrian, I ain't mad. It's just that, u...
Major Tom Baxter: We're asking them. We're asking them for a new deadline. General Hummel: Put the phone down. Major Tom Baxter: The men are falling apart! General Hummel: The men are Marines! Major Tom Baxter: Are they? [Hummel is silent] Major Tom ...
