Imagine there is a balloon tied to a severed human hand. As it floats into the sky it flaps in the breeze, and whether you perceive it to be waving hello or goodbye determines whether you are in love.
Today I had to cut my Silent and Still Statue Demonstration Ceremony short due to wind conditions. Tonight I’ll make love like a tornado.
A person crying is like a sponge wringing itself out. Love is better than a sink that turns itself off without you having to touch the handle.
Love is bringing an empty Tupperware container on your date, not to hold leftovers from dinner, but just in case your date really has to shit.
I’m so glad my date doesn’t think I’m ugly. I love blind dates where the woman is actually blind.
Love is when you love someone’s spirit as much as their body, even if their spirit has departed and their body is buried wherever you hid it.
Nine out of ten people agree, it was right and just to kill and eat that one guy. That’s love. That’s democracy. That’s a free dinner.
I make my living as a farmer. I milk the clock at work. And I make love like a dentist. Oh yes, I am that erotic.
I believe there are three tenants to live by in this apartment called Life: Love is empowering, Fear is motivating, and Passion is fruit.
Love is me plus you. But what’s with the midget in the corner recording all of our interactions? I thought I fired him yesterday.
A fire truck is just a drivable penis. The flames of my love might engulf you, if you don’t let me park inside you.
She loves me. She must, because she left flowers in the fridge from her date. She knows how I love flower salad.
Flowers smell terrific, but how do they sound? If they sound like your love life, then you’ve got to take your Helen Keller Goggles off.
Fireworks are flowers in the garden sky. My love is like New Year’s Eve, only less predictable and more daily.
I knew I was in love because I had butterflies in my stomach. Also in there I had flowers, a few rainbows, and leftover unicorn from the bbq the day before.
Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise.
When there is extra to be eaten, I’ll be there, and I’ll be hungry. When there is more love than people to absorb it all, I’ll be there, and I’ll invite my clones.
She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.
Love is like a corn-dog popsicle, and I’m on the Most Wanted list. Unfortunately it’s by the government, specifically the FDA, and not by women.
Love is about forgiveness. And since I love you, you should forgive me.
You have to be fun to ride roller coasters. And you have to be tall. My love for you is both of those things, even though I disguise it as a dwarf.
